The Great Indian Tamaasha!

Ahh... Its election time again, the time when everything changes drastically. The winds blow in the random motion. The Sun revolves around the earth. The rulers become rulees! Rivers change courses and flow into different oceans. Suddenly the Common Man becomes an all important entity that has to be pleased with offerings of visits, speeches, promises, bribes and some ego polishing.

I wish all politicians were bloggers. The kind of imagination they possess is unfathomable. It would be fascinating to read what plans they have for the future (plans = only plans and are not related in any way to the concept of completing them)

Back to the Topic. The election is a great Tamasha of extra-ordinary proportions, greater than any Indo-Pak cricket match, Yash Raj movie, KBC episode or any grand marriage ever.
Maybe because it involves everyone from a farmer to an industrialist who are a part of this DEMOCRACY of ours.
A nice thing about democracy is that the value of a vote of a multi-billionaire is equal to the value of a vote of a bankrupt suicidal farmer. Its one of those things that bridge the massive economic divide of our vast country.

It is time for Prachaar Sabhas and huge shows of power. I notice never-seen-before people in tide-ki-safedi clothes (trying to hide their dark intentions) walking all across my town and meeting random people. Suddenly everyone is familiar to them and there are lots and lots of namastes and handshakes (enough for a Guinness Records).

Watching this brings a smile on my lips - a pitiful smile. I smile at our own stupidity. How easily we get swept by the people in power. How quickly we idolize them by sidetracking our own principles. Some people can recollect the same scenario 5 years back when they were given superstar status and then later were ignored for 5 long years. I guess the common man is optimistic. He would rather prefer the 5 minutes of affection than nothing at all.

Then comes the times of the mass meetings. Each fellow talks about the stuff the ruling fellow couldn't do. Maybe it is the Ekta Kapoor effect. She makes you feel better by showcasing other people's lives as more miserable than yours. The way these people talk, I can't see any spark in them for development. They are excellent critics, but sadly they are nothing else. I personally feel if you are a good critic, you should always stay as the opposition. Coz that is what they do for a living!

The ruling party makes promises to promise what other parties haven't promised. I wonder whether the word promise has anything to do with the word comPROMISE.
Newspapers analyze anything and everything possible. There is so much information to digest, that the voter fears indigestion and prefers to go on a vacation on Election Day! Ignorance is bliss truly!

Some educated, responsible voters do try to come forward and put up their demands (maybe it is a gimmick to try to be seen on TV or newspaper). It is a difficult guess whether these demands will be even remembered after the elections, let alone met! But people are nonetheless very enthu coz this is the only time when they get to be heard! Why not make the most of it?

All in all, the elections are the Great Indian Tamasha that has every Indian playing a part and which entertains the world. All Hail - The lords of Democracy!


I've just turned 21 and this time I'll be having the honor of voting in the elections. So I've prepared a list of demands (not a publicity gimmick) which are a bit different from the basic roti kapda makaan stuff that is available in wholesale these days. Here goes :

1. I want to wake up to clear sunshine everyday. No clouds in the morning. I dunno how you're gonna do it, but do it.

2. I don't mind some loadshedding provided I have battery backup to all my gadgets round the clock.

3. No rains when I'm out please. Otherwise invent rainwear that will actually keep me totally dry in the torrential Konkan rains.

4. All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

5. A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

6. All govt. offices must be customer friendly. The average amount of bribe taken by an officer must be displayed alongside his nameplate so that helpless customers need not be confused about paying more or less than what he deserves.

7. The percentage of reservations for all castes regarding jobs, education etc should be determined by a lucky draw every year so that people belonging to open category like me can blame my "good marks but jobless status" on luck.

8. The internet should be made free to all. I am ready to pay whatever BSNL asks for a good, secure, fast connection but I must be given the liberty to deduct Rs. 10 every time it disconnects and I lose my work/downloads/concentration/sanity.

9. Mobile Phone plans should be made easy to understand and should come with warnings like “you’re being robbed”, “you should change your provider”, “you deserve a landline” etc.

10. There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc.

11. People who choose to stay in their native places and not migrate to cities (like me) should be given loyalty bonus.

12. Lastly, everyone must be allowed to outsource his/her job responsibilities to others!

While reading all the above points, I realized that the above stuff is only possible…












If I BECOME A FRIGGIN POLITICIAN!

See you at the Polling Booth!