I, With my chin up, upholding my poise,
He takes his position with his weapon of choice.
I surrender meekly as I wanna survive,
Just hoping somehow I'll come out alive.
I close my eyes as he makes his move first,
I realise being a man is really a curse.
With a swish the merciless steel cuts through my skin,
Blood gushes out to see who committed this sin.
He smiles cheekily at me as I stare, my eyes grave,
He lunges forward and dabs a little after-shave!
Now wasn't that a close shave? LITERALLY!
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Burning...
He felt the club was his home
He'd be there all the time
Loafing around with friends
Drinking to the last dime.
One day she came in with her sultry swagger
He soon lost his sense
Her presence oozed with attitude
That seemed to make him tense
Oh his eyes burned... Burned like fire
She threw a quick glance around
Maybe something of interest she found
His eyes begged for her attention
But sadly there was no mention.
Oh his eyes burned, burned with desire
He decided it was now or never
He'd do anything whatsoever
Gathering his courage he went up to dance
Flooring her on the floor was his only chance
Oh his eyes burned, burned with pure lust
She was a dirty dancer
She surely knew her moves
He was going crazy
Doing the musical grooves
She started for the exit
He didn't know what was next
Its best to follow her out
Maybe that was what was best?
She walked through the dark alley
Without a sight behind
He thought she's playing a game
Damn she looked so fine
Oh his eyes were burning, burning with hunger
He took a deep breath and tried to grab her hand
She looked into his eyes trying make him understand
He clenched it and pulled her towards him
That was when she reached into her purse and...
Oh his eyes were burning... Just burning!
He'd be there all the time
Loafing around with friends
Drinking to the last dime.
One day she came in with her sultry swagger
He soon lost his sense
Her presence oozed with attitude
That seemed to make him tense
Oh his eyes burned... Burned like fire
She threw a quick glance around
Maybe something of interest she found
His eyes begged for her attention
But sadly there was no mention.
Oh his eyes burned, burned with desire
He decided it was now or never
He'd do anything whatsoever
Gathering his courage he went up to dance
Flooring her on the floor was his only chance
Oh his eyes burned, burned with pure lust
She was a dirty dancer
She surely knew her moves
He was going crazy
Doing the musical grooves
She started for the exit
He didn't know what was next
Its best to follow her out
Maybe that was what was best?
She walked through the dark alley
Without a sight behind
He thought she's playing a game
Damn she looked so fine
Oh his eyes were burning, burning with hunger
He took a deep breath and tried to grab her hand
She looked into his eyes trying make him understand
He clenched it and pulled her towards him
That was when she reached into her purse and...
Oh his eyes were burning... Just burning!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
The Clue
A car pulled into the driveway and screeched to a halt. She went outside to see who it was. Surprised to see her husband arrive so soon, she went down the steps to greet him.
He didn't seem in a mood to acknowledge her smile. She felt something was wrong. Seriously wrong... She decided not to ask and anger him further and followed him back to the house.
"You two timing bitch", he shouted. This sudden exclamation scared the hell out of her. She felt the color drain out of her face. But she decided she won't give up.
"Whats the matter? And why the language?" she asked in a calm tone.
"I had heard stories about you, but I was too much in love to believe them." His tone went from anger to remorse. She felt her feet trembling now but she still managed to put up a confident face.
"I won't take any more of that language now. So calm down and tell me whats wrong." She felt amazed at how calm and composed she could be. The acting classes in college had definitely helped.
"I don't give a damn. You cheated on me and you still have the guts to stand in front of me asking me to stay calm.", his eyes were fiery when he spoke this.
"What the hell are you talking about? I am not cheating on you. How in hell did you think I would do such a thing?" Her voice was rising as well.
"Just shut your mouth. This time I am dead sure that a boy has been visiting this house when I am out. You got yourself a toy now? Is that what this has come to?", He yelled.
She felt a cold shiver run down her spine as he heard these words. How did he come to know about her toyboy? She had destroyed all evidence that could lead back to her adulterous romps. She thought about the sheets and curtains and remember she had changed them. Maybe he was just taking a wild guess. Should she surrender? She decided to play on...
"I don't know what the hell you are talking about and I am not going to take anymore of this now. If you show me even one piece of evidence, I'll happily go to the gallows. The cost of loving my husband truly!"
"You don't need no gallows. Coz I'm gonna slit your throat right here right now.", Saying this, he started wandering around the house searching for clues. She had been clever to cover it all up. Not a single piece of evidence that would link to the presence of another male in this house. He went from the living room to the bedroom. But no use. She had cleaned up the trail very cleverly. He went for room to room, then the toilets and staircases and finally checked the wardrobes.
Till then she kept waiting in the living room cursing now and then at him, at her bad luck, at the person who had told him about this affair. Deep inside she was trembling as she thought about the consequences if he found anything on her.
After a few minutes he came back, his face flashing a wicked vicious smile. "You better confess or this is gonna cost you a big time."
She realized her time was up. She confessed to everything. He demanded a divorce and she meekly agreed. After a few months, they met to sign the papers. After putting her signatures she finally gathered up the courage to ask him, "How did you find out about it? I mean I was pretty sure I had cleaned out all traces."
He didn't seem in a mood to acknowledge her smile. She felt something was wrong. Seriously wrong... She decided not to ask and anger him further and followed him back to the house.
"You two timing bitch", he shouted. This sudden exclamation scared the hell out of her. She felt the color drain out of her face. But she decided she won't give up.
"Whats the matter? And why the language?" she asked in a calm tone.
"I had heard stories about you, but I was too much in love to believe them." His tone went from anger to remorse. She felt her feet trembling now but she still managed to put up a confident face.
"I won't take any more of that language now. So calm down and tell me whats wrong." She felt amazed at how calm and composed she could be. The acting classes in college had definitely helped.
"I don't give a damn. You cheated on me and you still have the guts to stand in front of me asking me to stay calm.", his eyes were fiery when he spoke this.
"What the hell are you talking about? I am not cheating on you. How in hell did you think I would do such a thing?" Her voice was rising as well.
"Just shut your mouth. This time I am dead sure that a boy has been visiting this house when I am out. You got yourself a toy now? Is that what this has come to?", He yelled.
She felt a cold shiver run down her spine as he heard these words. How did he come to know about her toyboy? She had destroyed all evidence that could lead back to her adulterous romps. She thought about the sheets and curtains and remember she had changed them. Maybe he was just taking a wild guess. Should she surrender? She decided to play on...
"I don't know what the hell you are talking about and I am not going to take anymore of this now. If you show me even one piece of evidence, I'll happily go to the gallows. The cost of loving my husband truly!"
"You don't need no gallows. Coz I'm gonna slit your throat right here right now.", Saying this, he started wandering around the house searching for clues. She had been clever to cover it all up. Not a single piece of evidence that would link to the presence of another male in this house. He went from the living room to the bedroom. But no use. She had cleaned up the trail very cleverly. He went for room to room, then the toilets and staircases and finally checked the wardrobes.
Till then she kept waiting in the living room cursing now and then at him, at her bad luck, at the person who had told him about this affair. Deep inside she was trembling as she thought about the consequences if he found anything on her.
After a few minutes he came back, his face flashing a wicked vicious smile. "You better confess or this is gonna cost you a big time."
She realized her time was up. She confessed to everything. He demanded a divorce and she meekly agreed. After a few months, they met to sign the papers. After putting her signatures she finally gathered up the courage to ask him, "How did you find out about it? I mean I was pretty sure I had cleaned out all traces."
"Simple", He smirked. "The toilet seat was up!"
Monday, June 28, 2010
Mere Pass Maa ka Interview Hai!
This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team for the SUPER 4 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai It was one of those days. My editor had sent me to interview a weird personality again. It was not a problem for me, I'd done loads of interviews of variety of people from drunk superstars to sleeping beauties (!) But this was a tricky one for me. Loaded, maybe overflowing with emotion and tears, the quintessential Bollywood ki Maa was my interviewee!
I'd grown up watching Bollywood movies, but the Maa factor had always fascinated me. So I was looking forward to it as well. I reached the Haveli that she lived in and rung the bell (I was wondering if I should cry "MAAAAAAA" instead!)
She opened the door in a Tide-ki-safedi-white saari. It got me thinking about my own mom in flashback. (maybe its the bollywood effect). She invited me in and I followed her inside into the Haveli.
Wondering how to address her I simply said, “Hi Maa”
Just then she broke into tears all the while repeating her signature “Tumne mujhe Maa kaha!” at least 5 times. Oh God! this was not going to be easy!
We then started the interview. I asked her about her childhood to which I got a stunning reply. She did not have a childhood at all! She was directly born a Maa. I asked her how it was possible, to which she explained that every director wants to focus on the Hero’s childhood (at least in flashback) but there was no reference to the Maa’s childhood. After-all she had lived her whole life in the movies. She has no separate existence.
This was beginning to get all the more interesting. I decided to go for some serious grilling now...
Me: So how has life been for you in general? I mean you are not the usual everyday human being you know.
Maa: Believe me beta it has been tough. I’ve gone blind 13 times only to get back my eyesight from the lights of Sai Baba’s mandir. Believing in God has been one of the greatest principles of my life.
Just then she broke into tears all the while repeating her signature “Tumne mujhe Maa kaha!” at least 5 times. Oh God! this was not going to be easy!
We then started the interview. I asked her about her childhood to which I got a stunning reply. She did not have a childhood at all! She was directly born a Maa. I asked her how it was possible, to which she explained that every director wants to focus on the Hero’s childhood (at least in flashback) but there was no reference to the Maa’s childhood. After-all she had lived her whole life in the movies. She has no separate existence.
This was beginning to get all the more interesting. I decided to go for some serious grilling now...
Me: So how has life been for you in general? I mean you are not the usual everyday human being you know.
Maa: Believe me beta it has been tough. I’ve gone blind 13 times only to get back my eyesight from the lights of Sai Baba’s mandir. Believing in God has been one of the greatest principles of my life.
Me: Oh I can imagine the agony you must have been through.
Maa: You never can. I’ve undergone surgeries all over the world with no time to recuperate because the next film is always waiting. Plus most of the time I was made to travel on foot, so my back hurts as hell. Its not easy being a mother you see...
Me: What do you think about Hollywood then?
Maa: Hollywood moms have the easiest life out there. Wearing Gucci and YSL and what not while I’m tied up to this white Saree all the time only because my husband had to die so that my son could live. Hollywood moms sleep around all the time. But I’m a strict Pativrata. I don’t like all these things.
Me (a bit uncomfortable now): But people all over the world salute the Bollywood Maa...
Maa: Why shouldn’t they? I’m one poor suffering soul who lives for others. I’m bound to be worshiped. Considering the god-forbidden-things their moms do, I’m like an epitome of purity.
Me: So true... So tell me some interesting incident from your reel life.
Maa: (smirks) As if I have a Real Life! Well once these people from a NGO crashed onto the sets to complain about my crying on screen. They said that most of the area was suffering from droughts and I was crying buckets on screen. People had even stopped crying because they couldn’t afford to lose anymore water. The director had to halt shooting for two days. I was so relieved that I’d get two days off, but at that moment itself my son returned home with a tattoo that said “Mera Baap Chor Hai”. Imagine my frustration, having to roam from laser clinic to laser clinic to find someone who could get rid of it, but all in vain. Finally the director decided to use it in the movie itself!
Me: (Eyebrows raised) Oh so that was how it..... Umm never mind. Lets talk about the famous Gajar ka Halwa now.
Maa: DON'T YOU DARE! You people have taken me for granted! You leave the poor me and get lost somewhere for years and then return and expect me to whip up some halwa in a jiffy? Are Gajar ka season bhi nahi hai ab to! Plus there is no sugar in the house.
Maa: You never can. I’ve undergone surgeries all over the world with no time to recuperate because the next film is always waiting. Plus most of the time I was made to travel on foot, so my back hurts as hell. Its not easy being a mother you see...
Me: What do you think about Hollywood then?
Maa: Hollywood moms have the easiest life out there. Wearing Gucci and YSL and what not while I’m tied up to this white Saree all the time only because my husband had to die so that my son could live. Hollywood moms sleep around all the time. But I’m a strict Pativrata. I don’t like all these things.
Me (a bit uncomfortable now): But people all over the world salute the Bollywood Maa...
Maa: Why shouldn’t they? I’m one poor suffering soul who lives for others. I’m bound to be worshiped. Considering the god-forbidden-things their moms do, I’m like an epitome of purity.
Me: So true... So tell me some interesting incident from your reel life.
Maa: (smirks) As if I have a Real Life! Well once these people from a NGO crashed onto the sets to complain about my crying on screen. They said that most of the area was suffering from droughts and I was crying buckets on screen. People had even stopped crying because they couldn’t afford to lose anymore water. The director had to halt shooting for two days. I was so relieved that I’d get two days off, but at that moment itself my son returned home with a tattoo that said “Mera Baap Chor Hai”. Imagine my frustration, having to roam from laser clinic to laser clinic to find someone who could get rid of it, but all in vain. Finally the director decided to use it in the movie itself!
Me: (Eyebrows raised) Oh so that was how it..... Umm never mind. Lets talk about the famous Gajar ka Halwa now.
Maa: DON'T YOU DARE! You people have taken me for granted! You leave the poor me and get lost somewhere for years and then return and expect me to whip up some halwa in a jiffy? Are Gajar ka season bhi nahi hai ab to! Plus there is no sugar in the house.
Me: I was not asking you to make it.
Maa: Then it ok. These day everyone is asking me about it. So I got a little worked up. Sorry. I feel I’ve made more halwa in my life than the nukkad wala halwai himself! Sometimes he even asks if I got any surplus left!
Me: Oh OK never mind. So what have you been up-to lately? Movies are changing fast these days. You finding it easier to adapt?
Maa: Not a bit. Its been a long journey for me. These days mom’s don’t get much roles in movies. So I’m kinda jobless most of the time.Plus these days the director makes me wear negligees and seduce older men, which frankly I find disgusting. Before the only worry was whether my Beta will come home alive. Now I have to worry about his sexual orientation as well. I thank God if he is straight. But when I see him clinging to another guy, I see 9 months of my life go down the drain! Its not easy to swallow you see. I mean the Truth is not easy to swallow. (winks)
Maa: Then it ok. These day everyone is asking me about it. So I got a little worked up. Sorry. I feel I’ve made more halwa in my life than the nukkad wala halwai himself! Sometimes he even asks if I got any surplus left!
Me: Oh OK never mind. So what have you been up-to lately? Movies are changing fast these days. You finding it easier to adapt?
Maa: Not a bit. Its been a long journey for me. These days mom’s don’t get much roles in movies. So I’m kinda jobless most of the time.Plus these days the director makes me wear negligees and seduce older men, which frankly I find disgusting. Before the only worry was whether my Beta will come home alive. Now I have to worry about his sexual orientation as well. I thank God if he is straight. But when I see him clinging to another guy, I see 9 months of my life go down the drain! Its not easy to swallow you see. I mean the Truth is not easy to swallow. (winks)
With these words she gets me a cup of tea. I say “Are itni kyu taklif ki” to which she get dramatic again and say “Bete ke liye banai hai. Isme taklif kaisi?” I make a mental note to be aware of potential words that may spark her emotions.
We return to the interview.
Me: Lets talk about your Bahus now.
Maa: (sighs) I’ve spent my whole life in the movies. I wonder why my sons believe I can’t spot their acting... I see these gals struggling to carry of those Sarees they are wearing. Hell they can’t even bend to touch my feet without showing off some or the other part of their bodies. Jo umar bhar bikini pehente ayi ho, woh ek din mein saaree kya pehenegi! Sometimes I think they’re just in for my sons’ money. But after all it is all about mere bete ki khushi. So usually I keep my thoughts to myself and agree to the proposal. Waise bhi they can’t cook mera wala Gajar ka Halwa!
We return to the interview.
Me: Lets talk about your Bahus now.
Maa: (sighs) I’ve spent my whole life in the movies. I wonder why my sons believe I can’t spot their acting... I see these gals struggling to carry of those Sarees they are wearing. Hell they can’t even bend to touch my feet without showing off some or the other part of their bodies. Jo umar bhar bikini pehente ayi ho, woh ek din mein saaree kya pehenegi! Sometimes I think they’re just in for my sons’ money. But after all it is all about mere bete ki khushi. So usually I keep my thoughts to myself and agree to the proposal. Waise bhi they can’t cook mera wala Gajar ka Halwa!
Me: And your Betas?
Maa: Mostly I’ve been blessed with good sons. Even if they go rogue during the movie, they become good at the end. Sab bollywood ki maya hai! But these days I’m worried. I see lot of these vrudhhashrams running these days. Before it was not a problem. But now I fear even my sons may consider putting me in one of those. So I’m planning for the future. But its next to impossible to work out these new insurance company plans.
Maa: Mostly I’ve been blessed with good sons. Even if they go rogue during the movie, they become good at the end. Sab bollywood ki maya hai! But these days I’m worried. I see lot of these vrudhhashrams running these days. Before it was not a problem. But now I fear even my sons may consider putting me in one of those. So I’m planning for the future. But its next to impossible to work out these new insurance company plans.
Me: Speaking of the future... What are your future plans?
Maa: As I told you... Films these days do not need the Maa character at all. Hell time will come when even the lead actress will become obsolete. But I haven’t thought much into the future right now. Maybe I get a nice retirement and spend the rest of my days relaxing in this haveli. (Looks out of the window)
Me: Are you expecting someone?
Maa: Mere Karan Arjun ayenge. I had asked them to get a plumber to fix the bathroom pipes. So waiting for them. But Mere Karan Arjun jaroor ayenge!
Me: Last question. Do you have any message for the people of today?
Maa: Tum to mere bete jaise ho... Only thing I would like to say is: Stay good to your parents. Don’t act in any way that would hurt them or make them repent of the time they gave birth to you. The same way, as myself, even the Earth is your mother. So take care that you do not hurt her in any way (I’m surprised how she inserted the Green element so effortlessly! Now that will win some brownie points!) Tumne achha kiya to tumhara achha hi hoga.
The last line touched me and I decided to follow it in my life too. Saying goodbye to Maa was not easy. She came to see me off at the doorstep and I could see tears in those eyes. Suddenly I felt my heart get heavy. I hugged her and promised her that I’ll be back soon, not giving a date, making her wait, like she always does for all her sons. It had been the best interview of my life and the first thing I want to do it thank my editor for letting me do it.
Here is our magazine: Click on the image to download the pdf version.
Check out the works of the great minds of the people behind The Sunday Roar.
Maa: As I told you... Films these days do not need the Maa character at all. Hell time will come when even the lead actress will become obsolete. But I haven’t thought much into the future right now. Maybe I get a nice retirement and spend the rest of my days relaxing in this haveli. (Looks out of the window)
Me: Are you expecting someone?
Maa: Mere Karan Arjun ayenge. I had asked them to get a plumber to fix the bathroom pipes. So waiting for them. But Mere Karan Arjun jaroor ayenge!
Me: Last question. Do you have any message for the people of today?
Maa: Tum to mere bete jaise ho... Only thing I would like to say is: Stay good to your parents. Don’t act in any way that would hurt them or make them repent of the time they gave birth to you. The same way, as myself, even the Earth is your mother. So take care that you do not hurt her in any way (I’m surprised how she inserted the Green element so effortlessly! Now that will win some brownie points!) Tumne achha kiya to tumhara achha hi hoga.
The last line touched me and I decided to follow it in my life too. Saying goodbye to Maa was not easy. She came to see me off at the doorstep and I could see tears in those eyes. Suddenly I felt my heart get heavy. I hugged her and promised her that I’ll be back soon, not giving a date, making her wait, like she always does for all her sons. It had been the best interview of my life and the first thing I want to do it thank my editor for letting me do it.
Here is our magazine: Click on the image to download the pdf version.
Check out the works of the great minds of the people behind The Sunday Roar.
Debosmita’s in-depth article on the Bhopal Gas Tragedy
http://debosmita.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/cover-story/
http://debosmita.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/cover-story/
Sudhakar’s racy account of ‘The Domestic Olympics’
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-domestic-olympics/
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-domestic-olympics/
Sudhakar’s intriguing thriller (crime fiction)
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-garage-door/
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-garage-door/
Neha’s unique limerick on Indian politics,
http://www.nehasilam.com/2010/06/future-not-so-bright.html
http://www.nehasilam.com/2010/06/future-not-so-bright.html
Pallavi’s quick comic/55-er on power of media
http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/breaking-news-again/
http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/breaking-news-again/
Rashmi’s interesting travel journal – City City Bang Bang
http://hungrypiranha.blogspot.com/
http://hungrypiranha.blogspot.com/
Kanagu’s analysis of Print Versus Electronic media
http://kanaguonline.wordpress.com/
http://kanaguonline.wordpress.com/
Monday, March 15, 2010
Daya darwaza...
Recently I’ve been getting these crazy SMSs related to CID the supposedly thrilling crime series which plays on Sony. I dunno whats with the Sony guys coz whenever I see the Program schedule on my Tata Sky (btw Tata Sky is awesome and I hope they send me some money for this), most of the slots are filled with CID! It plays right from 2 pm to 7 pm only to give way to a different program called CID Classics which goes on for an hour kinda.
I mean I know that Sony is a very popular channel and CID may have been its most successful running series in the history of the channel, but OMG more than 6 hours of daily constant interrogating would even make ACP Pradyuman weak!
I’ve never been a fan of CID much. But now I watch it just to make comments on every aspect. Its so much fun! I even have friends who would let go of a free drinking session if it came in the CID time slot! Lately I’ve been learning that the makers of CID are being inspired by Sooraj Barjatiya coz they are trying to insert every possible genre into the series. Crime, Thriller is okay… But now you got Sci-Fi, Romance, Mythology and everything else under the sun! Its even got a facebook page named “Daya Darwaza tod do”
Coming back to the post, I must confess that I’ve been watching CID recently just to get hold of some of the silly shayaris that are sent to me. I may even invent some of my own but I fear Daya will Tod my Darwaza and the ACP will grill me!
Here are some-
- Mere ghar ke peechhe se beheta ek naala hai, ABHIJEET daal mein jaroor kuch kaala hai!
- Thande Thande paani se nahana chahiye… DAYA hame us jagah par aur ek baar jaana chahiye
- 5 Rs. Ka ek samosa, 10 Rs. Ke do, ACP kehte hai DAYA Darwaza to do.
- Ye haseen vadiyaan ye khula aakaash… OH MY GOD ABHIJEET ek aur laash!
- Gaay ko angrezi mein kehte hai cow, Kuch to baat hai DAYA pata lagao
- Aasman mein chamakte Chand taaron… Daya saari Mumbai Chhaan maro!
- Mehnat ka paseena sir se na pocho… ACP kehte hai Socho DAYA socho.
- Aaj kal CID ki shayari ka keher hai, Salunkhe says "Maut ka karan zeher hai."
- Shaam ho gayi, Suraj Dhal gaya.... Daya, Quatil ka pata chal gaya!
- Kaamgaar pathhar jor jor so phodta hai... Khooni kitna bhi chalakh ho, Surag jaroor chodta hai!
- Paisa jiska hai, item uski hai... Salunkhe pata lagao ye fingerprint kiski hai.
Okay I agree that some of these are pretty lame but you have to admit that the fan following of CID is absolutely crazy! Reader are invited to post more of these kinda shayaris in the comments (only CID related)
And if anyone knows someone who works on the CID crew, please keep me anonymous otherwise the next episode will be “Case of the missing Blogger”
My Sincere apologies to ACP and DAYA (Just in case they follow this blog secretly). I must say you guys are doing a great job!
PS: I can’t go on bashing CID just for the sake of it. There are some points which are commendable too. E.g. the story of the episode ends with the episode. Therez no ‘to be continued’ I simply hate those who keep a crime series going on just because they want the viewers to come back.
CID rocks coz the CID ppl know that no matter what, people are gonna come back for more and more and more!
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