Bluddy Typo

Heya Ppl. Long time since my last post. Just been busy with my college programs and class tests. Going through *THAT* phase of my life. Yeah... The exam preparation one!

Anyways here is an incident I wanna share with you guys. In 2009 I'd appeared for an exam held by Bank of India for Clerical Post.

• All the people who rolled their eyes at '2009', chillax. Its not that I'm blogging too late about this thing, I just had a ummmm an oath let say. We'll come to that later.
• All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Bank', chillax. I don't plan to stay in the banking business all my life.I just had to show the people around me that I was not totally useless (I can be used as a bad example!)
• All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Clerical', chillax. What did you expect? You can't become a branch manager directly by giving exams! Steps of the ladder you see...

Back to the topic... So after giving this exam I'd totally forgotten about it and din even remember to check the result. One fine lucky day I got this letter from the Bank saying that I've been selected for the Interview round and I was like W00t? Really? This must be easy that! Being Happy happy, I went about telling people that I've been selected for the interview to which most of them replied in the sarcastic tone ever "Clerical hi hai na?.... Then thik hai" Idiots! half of them have been bluddy unemployed for most of their lives!

Then came to interview thingie which I was quite confident about. The panel was great. They were interested in my blogging too. They even asked me whether I will blog about my interview experience to which I promptly replied in the positive, hoping they'd at least gimme the job trying to get featured on my AweSome blog!

*I see the '2009' people rolling their eyes again. I said I'l come back to it.

Anyways again coming back to the topic. I finished my interview and came back home like a cow comes back to the shed in the evening. Soon after the interview thing was long forgotten.

Just a week back I happened to check the website of the Bank and was I surprised to see my name amongst the selected candidates. It was a gr8 surprise for me and the family. Our family has so many bankers, that if we owned a bank, we'd not need other employees at all!

So everything settled, I decided to inform all my friends and family (especially the jobless losers who are jobless most of the time and losers the remaining time)

So typed a msg and sent it to my sis

"Hey wudup? Guess what... I cleared the bank thing"

After a few minutes she replied

"Hey thats so great! You cleared the audition too?"

me: (thinking Audition = Interview): Yes of course. The panel was sweet!

She: Oh this is so great! I gotta tell all my friends, my bro is such a Rockstar!"

Me: (wondering with a big aaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg? Whats with her? Is this the first time someone is getting a govt job in this company/) Ya Ya... Sure Sure.

She: So when is your gig? Wherez you playing next?

Me: (Bigger AAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG?) What you talking about? You talking to me na?

She: Whenz you're band gonna play? and where? I want passes haaaaaa.... For all my friends.

Me: Band? What Band? I got a job in a BANK! The only band there is the rubber band to keep the notes together!

She: Thats what you told me! Dumbo! Next time watch what you send...

It was then that I check my outbox. While sending the first msg, I committed a typo that ruined my day. Wrote BAND instead of BANK. Due to which my sis thought I had participated in so band contest and had cleared it. I picked up the cell again.

Me: Oops sorry. My bad! But thanks for ruining it for me. Now everytime I tell anyone, I get reminded that it'd been lot more cooler if I'd given a band audition!

She: Oh Buzz off! Imagine what I'l go through when my 'free pass" friends will come to know that my bro is in a bank and not a band! And BTW, get me something decent from your first salary.

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Typos are becoming a part of life these days. especially when you're using predictive text on your phone.

I sent a similar msg to a friend who is a little too smart and just loves to look me down.

"Dude I got selected"

He replied with "Oh man that's so sad. But its OK dude. Everyone can't pass that thing"

After checking I found that "selected" and "rejected" are written with the same set of keys on the phone.

To this date he is not ready to accept that I have passed!

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CREDITS:

• Archana (the bling bling diamond gal): for kicking my laziness out and making me write this.
• The Bank of India Interview Panel: It will be a pleasure working with you guys. I had promised you, I'l write about you, and here it is! Keep up the good work Sirs.
• The BSNL Guys: After about 2 hours of mindless non sense DCs, finally there is connectivity when I need to post! (I almost debited you)

Now me being a banker, can't credit everything. Have to debit stuff to keep the balance!

DEBITS:

• The loojers who think they'll be given jobs at higher posts directly.
• The smartie in whose face I'l have to slam my appointment letter so that he finally believes that I made it!

PS: Oops... Almost forgot about the oath. Well this post had struck me a long time back. And I was planning to post it during the interview period. But I was apprehensive of the fact that people would ask me finally about my result. So I decided to publish this post only after the result and only if I passed coz it would suck to tell every other commentator that I failed.

Cricket almost killed me...

It was a sunny day. I was fed up of studying (as usual) and was getting bored. There was nothing to do at home. No people to play pranks on, no kids to harass, no chicks to check out. I felt like a child in a bank.

While I was roaming in the house suddenly my dad noticed that my hair had grown beyond the ‘length of management’. “Go get a haircut. You look like a Goat!” he said. Now I never care to shave or get a haircut until and unless someone reminds me that I’m looking like some Stone Age Man.

So I kicked my bike and went for a haircut. I’m not one of those who’d fancy a long relaxing haircut/shave/massage. Being surrounded by gossipy people and sharp steel instruments does not comfort me much. Much to my dismay I discover that a cricket match is going on. All eyes are glued to the TV (what is the need of a TV in a hair cutting place anyways!) Boy I HATE Cricket so much!

Thus the whole ordeal started. This cuttingwala took me for a dummy used in crash testing it seems. He was revolving my head trying to check whether there was any creaking noise coming from my pivot joint! Finally he started his work with the damn scissors. Cut Cut Cut… Snip Snip Snip. As if he was trying to show off that he was doing a great piece of art. Personally I don’t give a damn coz my preferred ‘cut’ is the Ghajini cut which will keep me away from the hair dressers for at least 2-3 months and it requires the least talent!

Most of the time, his eyes were glued to the TV, which was making me more tensed than the batsman who was just about to score a century. I feared the consequences of the century… What if this cuttingwala jumped? Got excited? Raised his scissors (bat) in the air to salute the spectators? I had begun to sweat now (as if I was the captain of the losing team)

I must say this guy had some talent. He was snipping away bindass all the while looking at the TV (even I can send sms while looking at the professor’s face!). Plus he was giving gr8 gyaan on the players too. Some Fan huh! I was waiting for the whole thing to get over as soon as possible. Suddenly his favorite batsman got out. My heart skipped a beat and his scissors a few inches. I rushed closer to the mirror to check the damage. Thankfully it was negligible. I thanked God that he was not shaving my beard at that time!

But I guess even god was in a wicked mood that day. Soon he finished with my hair and turned towards my beard. The cricket match was getting more and more interesting (Sadly!) I was desperately praying to God to make it rain so that the match gets abandoned. I was ready to sing Malhar or even do a ‘ooga cha cha booga cha cha’ rain dance if need be. My mind drifted off to Facebook and Mafia Wars wherein you “slice” your opponents. Why the hell did I ever come to this place before checking what was on the TV?

He started on my face with the sharp razor. Needless to day I was getting worried if my hair would ever grow again. I was beginning to plot the murders of the people who invented cricket altogether. It was the last over and the match had reached an over excited stage. Even I had reached an over excited stage. What if the blade went directly through my throat? What if it damaged my sensual vocal cords? Oh hell I din want to get sacrificed to the demon called cricket! It was the last few balls. Few runs needed. The hairdressers place had turned into a stadium. But this idiot wouldn’t let go of my neck.

It was the last ball. 4 runs to win. I was feeling weak. Almost passing out! The bowler went for his run up. People were getting so close to the TV, that they could almost enter it. Cuttingwala was going in for the kill…. Err I mean the last swish of the blade.

“STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP" I screamed! "I need a glass of water.” He stared at me like I’d asked for some Rum. Luckily he removed his hand from the radius of my neck. The last bowl was balled, and got hit for a SIX! OMG was I happy that I was safe! Everyone jumped with joy. He came back with a smile and a glass of water. I gulped it down even though I din need it. I guess he watched the last ball from beyond the water filter.

It was my time to leave. I asked him "Kitna?" He was so happy that we won, that he did not take a dime from me. Amazed by his reactions, I got out of the place quickly lest he changes his mind. Boy do I LOVE Cricket!

PS: This post is dedicated to SivArchana of Yemiledu who inspired, coerced, forced, nudged, demanded and ordered me into writing this post. Dunno what's wrong, but I have many topics in mind to write about but when I face the keyboard, I just feel so lazy that I procrastinate it. Lets hope this is a new beginning and I'll continue to irritate you guys with the lovable rubbish that I usually dish out!

Justice Prevails...

I am damn happy today!

Not the "Sooraj Barjatiya - All's well that ends well" type of happy, but more like the "Devilish - Revenge - Someone got screwed" kinda happy!

It goes like this. I happen to work at this cool tourism development / construction company that is located in a forest area near my place. Now its not very easy to get good people (like Yours Truly) to come from cities and work in jungles. So I have to put up with all kinds of people during my working time.

Out of these people is this dude - Mr. Laidback. Damn just the thought of him gets my fists clentched, digging into my own flesh. Well this guy has got the job as a favor to his dad who happens to work in some Govt. Office (I hate when undeserving people get the cream). But does that mean his father owns the place? HELL NO! He does act like he does. 

Firstly this guy has no sense of responsibility. There is no one on site who would think of handing him a job without fearing that he'd mess it up.

Secondly he doesn't take advice from ANYONE. Dunno why he feels that he knows everything (He doesn't) and has the right to take his own decisions.

Thirdly therez no commitment. There hasn't been a single day that he has stayed after work to complete important stuff or things that come up unexpectedly.

All these things make my blood boil underneath with rage. More considering the fact that no one cares that his contribution to the output of the company is a big fat Zero. Just when I was losing faith in the "Do good and good will be done to you" dictum, I heard that the boss summoned him to the office. He was just back from a long vacation leave, which he had left on without even informing the office. And then the fireworks began. There was shouting and screaming and OMG there was swearing too! I had a wicked devilish smile on my lips, my prayers answered! I turned into a Believer instantly.


The Boss was all over him. He told our Hero to submit a report of the work hez done in the last six months (Blank!) and told him rather sternly that its gonna be tougher in the future (The tougher, the better).


To add to it all, the guy requested me to draft a letter to apologize to the boss coz his English is not very good. I obliged with a sympathetic face!


Now I'm back to normal. Neither sad, nor joyous but slightly contented.

From gen