Monday, June 28, 2010

Mere Pass Maa ka Interview Hai!

Team This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team  for the SUPER 4 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai








It was one of those days. My editor had sent me to interview a weird personality again. It was not a problem for me, I'd done loads of interviews of variety of people from drunk superstars to sleeping beauties (!) But this was a tricky one for me. Loaded, maybe overflowing with emotion and tears, the quintessential Bollywood ki Maa was my interviewee!

I'd grown up watching Bollywood movies, but the Maa factor had always fascinated me. So I was looking forward to it as well. I reached the Haveli that she lived in and rung the bell (I was wondering if I should cry "MAAAAAAA" instead!)

She opened the door in a Tide-ki-safedi-white saari. It got me thinking about my own mom in flashback. (maybe its the bollywood effect). She invited me in and I followed her inside into the Haveli.
 
Wondering how to address her I simply said, “Hi Maa”
Just then she broke into tears all the while repeating her signature “Tumne mujhe Maa kaha!” at least 5 times. Oh God! this was not going to be easy!

We then started the interview. I asked her about her childhood to which I got a stunning reply. She did not have a childhood at all! She was directly born a Maa. I asked her how it was possible, to which she explained that every director wants to focus on the Hero’s childhood (at least in flashback) but there was no reference to the Maa’s childhood. After-all she had lived her whole life in the movies. She has no separate existence.

This was beginning to get all the more interesting. I decided to go for some serious grilling now...

Me: So how has life been for you in general? I mean you are not the usual  everyday human being you know.
Maa: Believe me beta it has been tough. I’ve gone blind 13 times only to get back my eyesight from the lights of Sai Baba’s mandir. Believing in God has been one of the greatest principles of my life.
Me: Oh I can imagine the agony you must have been through.
Maa: You never can. I’ve undergone surgeries all over the world with no time to recuperate because the next film is always waiting. Plus most of the time I was made to travel on foot, so my back hurts as hell. Its not easy being a mother you see...

Me: What do you think about Hollywood then?
Maa: Hollywood moms have the easiest life out there. Wearing Gucci and YSL and what not while I’m tied up to this white Saree all the time only because my husband had to die so that my son could live. Hollywood moms sleep around all the time. But I’m a strict Pativrata. I don’t like all these things.

Me (a bit uncomfortable now): But people all over the world salute the Bollywood Maa...
Maa: Why shouldn’t they? I’m one poor suffering soul who lives for others. I’m bound to be worshiped. Considering the god-forbidden-things their moms do, I’m like an epitome of purity.

Me: So true... So tell me some interesting incident from your reel life.
Maa: (smirks) As if I have a Real Life! Well once these people from a NGO crashed onto the sets to complain about my crying on screen. They said that most of the area was suffering from droughts and I was crying buckets on screen. People had even stopped crying because they couldn’t afford to lose anymore water. The director had to halt shooting for two days. I was so relieved that I’d get two days off, but at that moment itself my son returned home with a tattoo that said “Mera Baap Chor Hai”. Imagine my frustration, having to roam from laser clinic to laser clinic to find someone who could get rid of it, but all in vain. Finally the director decided to use it in the movie itself!

Me: (Eyebrows raised) Oh so that was how it..... Umm never mind. Lets talk about the famous Gajar ka Halwa now.
Maa: DON'T YOU DARE! You people have taken me for granted! You leave the poor me and get lost somewhere for years and then return and expect me to whip up some halwa in a jiffy? Are Gajar ka season bhi nahi hai ab to! Plus there is no sugar in the house.


Me: I was not asking you to make it.
Maa: Then it ok. These day everyone is asking me about it. So I got a little worked up. Sorry. I feel I’ve made more halwa in my life than the nukkad wala halwai himself! Sometimes he even asks if I got any surplus left!

Me: Oh OK never mind. So what have you been up-to lately? Movies are changing fast these days. You finding it easier to adapt?
Maa: Not a bit. Its been a long journey for me. These days mom’s don’t get much roles in movies. So I’m kinda jobless most of the time.Plus these days the director makes me wear negligees and seduce older men, which frankly I find disgusting. Before the only worry was whether my Beta will come home alive. Now I have to worry about his sexual orientation as well. I thank God if he is straight. But when I see him clinging to another guy, I see 9 months of my life go down the drain! Its not easy to swallow you see. I mean the Truth is not easy to swallow. (winks)

With these words she gets me a cup of tea. I say “Are itni kyu taklif ki” to which she get dramatic again and say “Bete ke liye banai hai. Isme taklif kaisi?” I make a mental note to be aware of potential words that may spark her emotions.

We return to the interview.
Me: Lets talk about your Bahus now.
Maa: (sighs) I’ve spent my whole life in the movies. I wonder why my sons believe I can’t spot their acting... I see these gals struggling to carry of those Sarees they are wearing. Hell they can’t even bend to touch my feet without showing off some or the other part of their bodies. Jo umar bhar bikini pehente ayi ho, woh ek din mein saaree kya pehenegi! Sometimes I think they’re just in for my sons’ money. But after all it is all about mere bete ki khushi. So usually I keep my thoughts to myself and agree to the proposal. Waise bhi they can’t cook mera wala Gajar ka Halwa!

Me: And your Betas?
Maa: Mostly I’ve been blessed with good sons. Even if they go rogue during the movie, they become good at the end. Sab bollywood ki maya hai! But these days I’m worried. I see lot of these vrudhhashrams running these days. Before it was not a problem. But now I fear even my sons may consider putting me in one of those. So I’m planning for the future. But its next to impossible to work out these new insurance company plans.
Me: Speaking of the future... What are your future plans?
Maa: As I told you... Films these days do not need the Maa character at all. Hell time will come when even the lead actress will become obsolete. But I haven’t thought much into the future right now. Maybe I get a nice retirement and spend the rest of my days relaxing in this haveli. (Looks out of the window)

Me: Are you expecting someone?
Maa: Mere Karan Arjun ayenge. I had asked them to get a plumber to fix the bathroom pipes. So waiting for them. But Mere Karan Arjun jaroor ayenge!

Me: Last question. Do you have any message for the people of today?
Maa: Tum to mere bete jaise ho... Only thing I would like to say is: Stay good to your parents. Don’t act in any way that would hurt them or make them repent of the time they gave birth to you. The same way, as myself, even the Earth is your mother. So take care that you do not hurt her in any way (I’m surprised how she inserted the Green element so effortlessly! Now that will win some brownie points!) Tumne achha kiya to tumhara achha hi hoga.

The last line touched me and I decided to follow it in my life too. Saying goodbye to Maa was not easy. She came to see me off at the doorstep and I could see tears in those eyes. Suddenly I felt my heart get heavy. I hugged her and promised her that I’ll be back soon, not giving a date, making her wait, like she always does for all her sons. It had been the best interview of my life and the first thing I want to do it thank my editor for letting me do it.


Here is our magazine: Click on the image to download the pdf version.


Check out the works of the great minds of the people behind The Sunday Roar.

Debosmita’s in-depth article on the Bhopal Gas Tragedy
http://debosmita.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/cover-story/

Sudhakar’s racy account of ‘The Domestic Olympics’
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-domestic-olympics/

Sudhakar’s intriguing thriller (crime fiction)
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-garage-door/

Neha’s unique limerick on Indian politics,
http://www.nehasilam.com/2010/06/future-not-so-bright.html

Pallavi’s quick comic/55-er on power of media
http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/breaking-news-again/

Rashmi’s interesting travel journal – City City Bang Bang
http://hungrypiranha.blogspot.com/

Kanagu’s analysis of Print Versus Electronic media
http://kanaguonline.wordpress.com/

35 comments:

pushpee said...

very nice interview..enjoyed reading it...:))

Kshitij said...

It started really well Saurabh... but beech mei thoda drag hua I felt. But overall, a good job.

I think you should do the Me and Maa thing in bold... will help the presentation.

Saurabh Panshikar said...

Thanks pushpee

Kshitij Bhai thanks for the comment... Your suggestion is taken care of... Frankly even I was a little lost at the middle...

Kshitij said...

I liked your last post as well. Sorry, did not comment. I usually dont comment. But I am starting to like your work. I think you will find me here more often.

Saurabh Panshikar said...

Its an honor really! Do continue to give your frank comments whenever possible...

I follow both your blogs... Love both of them... But currently due to a new job I don't read that often... Will soon get back to it...

IIM ka Sarkari Babu said...

Loved it!!!

Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) said...

brilliant saurabh, the idea of interviewing Maa was awesome.. well done!

Neha said...

I have read this at least 5 times..this is damn damn brilliant..all the best tiger :D

pallavi said...

One of my most favourite posts ever :-)

Shilpa Garg said...

It made for fun and interesting read!
Good one.
All the best for the contest.
Cheers:)

Anonymous said...

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! I LOVED IT....... Too Good... Aakhir MA kiska hai tu... :P
Ur maternal instinct worked well :)

Sree said...

Lol...the eternal maa!! :D
Loved it...the swallowing part was notty on mommy's part though! ;)
ATB for this round!! :D

Lazy Pineapple said...

Hilarious..loved the 'Gajar ka Halwa' part...had a good laugh..

Good luck for the contest.

Bikramjit said...

Good luck for the contest.. the idea is good.. Who better to interview then the jagat Maa...

THe different links to movies and dialogues loved them ...

hopefully you can wrtie next time
MERE PAAS AWARD HAI ...

Nethra said...

Since when you started writing such lengthy posts? :-o Anyway reading it.

Nethra said...

Wow! Such an intelligent post with a touch of humor. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

All the best for the contest! :)

Urvashi said...

wow....it was really a good one....all the appropriate bollywood ke dialogues n pics at all appropriate places.. :P :D

Hmmmm.... tum bahut movies dekhte ho lagta hai..!! ;)

It was really a fun readin it..... Keep writing... TC :) :)

Parth J Dave said...

Awesome, Saurabh bhai! Kya superb post hai!

Made an interesting and entertaining read! What a post, indeed!

All the best for the contest! :)

Chanz said...

Saurabh, lemme tell you that this is just too good... and this is quite an understatement... Loved it like anything...

Megha said...

lol....that was too good. A different thinking all together...keep up the good work and keep sharing :)

BK Chowla, said...

Awesome.

BK Chowla, said...

Awesome.

Dagny Taggart said...

*bows down*

The gajar ka halwa bit my favorite :D

Ultimate Stuff, Go Tigers!!!

idlivadasambar said...

Brilliant mate. The best one in my opinion. Totally cracked me up. Roarrr! ;)

Phoenixritu said...

ROFL Ma and gaajar ka halwa! Nice one

Leo said...

hehehe! :) good one dude.. very interesting character choice..

all the best! :)

Sanchit Goyal said...

I liked the choice of the character!!

And the best line of the post was which mentions that the lady was directly born as "Maa"!!

hitesh rawat said...

loved it.... “Bete ke liye banai hai. Isme taklif kaisi?” was the best for me.......Bollywood ki eternal maa........

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@Varun
Thanks mate

@Tavish
Thanks dude... The teams Idea...

@Neha, Pal
Thank you ppl... Impossible without you!

@Shilpa Garg
Thanks a lot. Glad that you liked

@Disha!
Maa di ladli bigad gayi!

@ Shree and LP
Thank you folks... But shouldn't the Maa be allowed to get a little notty?

@Bik
God bless you dude! Lets hope I can say that!

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@nethra
Thanks a lot... I still got a lot of pending stuff on your blog!

@Urvashi
Hey! Thanks a lot... Nahi yaar, frankly speaking, I haven't watched any of those movies... But the dialogues are so cliched...

@Parth
Thanks man... Glad that you liked it...

@Chanz
Thanks a lot chandni... don't see you around much these days

@Megha
Mala lihitanach khup majja ali... Tar tula vachtana yaylach pahije na! thanks for the comment!

@BK Sir
Thanks a lot Sir...

@DT
Hey fellow Tiger! Thanks for the wonderful comment! I've been in great company you see!

@Sudhakar
Thanks dude... I had fun writing it too...

@Ritu
Thanks a lot

@Leo
Thanks mate... It was decided by the team

@Sanchit
Thanks man... I love when readers quote their favorite part

@Hitesh
Thanks a lot... eternal Maa indeed!

Garima Bhatia said...

uff..."...mere wala gajar ka halwa". I swear this is the best way get a upper hand for Maas :)
Liked it!!

pallavi said...

Tagged!

Karthik said...

That was damn brilliant, dude.
She's never had a childhood; she was born a maa?! lol
That mere karan arjun aayenge was the best - all to fix pipes?!
Excellent post. Thoroughly enjoyed it, man.
All the best!

Aparna said...

very witty interview

so hilarious!!


you portrayed the typical bollywood maa so well....kudos!

Renu said...

what a post!!!..I just loved it..

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