Friday, October 9, 2009

The Great Indian Tamaasha!

Ahh... Its election time again, the time when everything changes drastically. The winds blow in the random motion. The Sun revolves around the earth. The rulers become rulees! Rivers change courses and flow into different oceans. Suddenly the Common Man becomes an all important entity that has to be pleased with offerings of visits, speeches, promises, bribes and some ego polishing.

I wish all politicians were bloggers. The kind of imagination they possess is unfathomable. It would be fascinating to read what plans they have for the future (plans = only plans and are not related in any way to the concept of completing them)

Back to the Topic. The election is a great Tamasha of extra-ordinary proportions, greater than any Indo-Pak cricket match, Yash Raj movie, KBC episode or any grand marriage ever.
Maybe because it involves everyone from a farmer to an industrialist who are a part of this DEMOCRACY of ours.
A nice thing about democracy is that the value of a vote of a multi-billionaire is equal to the value of a vote of a bankrupt suicidal farmer. Its one of those things that bridge the massive economic divide of our vast country.

It is time for Prachaar Sabhas and huge shows of power. I notice never-seen-before people in tide-ki-safedi clothes (trying to hide their dark intentions) walking all across my town and meeting random people. Suddenly everyone is familiar to them and there are lots and lots of namastes and handshakes (enough for a Guinness Records).

Watching this brings a smile on my lips - a pitiful smile. I smile at our own stupidity. How easily we get swept by the people in power. How quickly we idolize them by sidetracking our own principles. Some people can recollect the same scenario 5 years back when they were given superstar status and then later were ignored for 5 long years. I guess the common man is optimistic. He would rather prefer the 5 minutes of affection than nothing at all.

Then comes the times of the mass meetings. Each fellow talks about the stuff the ruling fellow couldn't do. Maybe it is the Ekta Kapoor effect. She makes you feel better by showcasing other people's lives as more miserable than yours. The way these people talk, I can't see any spark in them for development. They are excellent critics, but sadly they are nothing else. I personally feel if you are a good critic, you should always stay as the opposition. Coz that is what they do for a living!

The ruling party makes promises to promise what other parties haven't promised. I wonder whether the word promise has anything to do with the word comPROMISE.
Newspapers analyze anything and everything possible. There is so much information to digest, that the voter fears indigestion and prefers to go on a vacation on Election Day! Ignorance is bliss truly!

Some educated, responsible voters do try to come forward and put up their demands (maybe it is a gimmick to try to be seen on TV or newspaper). It is a difficult guess whether these demands will be even remembered after the elections, let alone met! But people are nonetheless very enthu coz this is the only time when they get to be heard! Why not make the most of it?

All in all, the elections are the Great Indian Tamasha that has every Indian playing a part and which entertains the world. All Hail - The lords of Democracy!


I've just turned 21 and this time I'll be having the honor of voting in the elections. So I've prepared a list of demands (not a publicity gimmick) which are a bit different from the basic roti kapda makaan stuff that is available in wholesale these days. Here goes :

1. I want to wake up to clear sunshine everyday. No clouds in the morning. I dunno how you're gonna do it, but do it.

2. I don't mind some loadshedding provided I have battery backup to all my gadgets round the clock.

3. No rains when I'm out please. Otherwise invent rainwear that will actually keep me totally dry in the torrential Konkan rains.

4. All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

5. A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

6. All govt. offices must be customer friendly. The average amount of bribe taken by an officer must be displayed alongside his nameplate so that helpless customers need not be confused about paying more or less than what he deserves.

7. The percentage of reservations for all castes regarding jobs, education etc should be determined by a lucky draw every year so that people belonging to open category like me can blame my "good marks but jobless status" on luck.

8. The internet should be made free to all. I am ready to pay whatever BSNL asks for a good, secure, fast connection but I must be given the liberty to deduct Rs. 10 every time it disconnects and I lose my work/downloads/concentration/sanity.

9. Mobile Phone plans should be made easy to understand and should come with warnings like “you’re being robbed”, “you should change your provider”, “you deserve a landline” etc.

10. There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc.

11. People who choose to stay in their native places and not migrate to cities (like me) should be given loyalty bonus.

12. Lastly, everyone must be allowed to outsource his/her job responsibilities to others!


While reading all the above points, I realized that the above stuff is only possible…












If I BECOME A FRIGGIN POLITICIAN!

See you at the Polling Booth!


16 comments:

Sorcerer said...

All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

hmm...seee you are almost..reaching there..
SMART you are..Really Smart

__
All govt. offices must be customer friendly.

they should allow cheques and creditcards.

Genius.you are
__
There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc

good... feed them BYTES

Another great thought
__

A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

Dont they say..experience India

___

good work..I see a great future in you..

Sorcerer said...

All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

hmm...seee you are almost..reaching there..
SMART you are..Really Smart

__
All govt. offices must be customer friendly.

they should allow cheques and creditcards.

Genius.you are
__
There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc

good... feed them BYTES

Another great thought
__

A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

Dont they say..experience India

___

good work..I see a great future in you..

Yemiledu said...

Hey! An amazing post to read! The intro was great! And your demands were the best part.I was expecting to read some conventional demands like education for all,health for all and blah blah but :~) Its truly and enjoyable post.
Hope You would be a politician sooooooooon!

And I like your blog template so much.

Saurabh Panshikar said...

Thank you! Thank you! Please vote for me!

Yemiledu said...

Happy elections!!
Hope you win...err the one you vote for wins!

akanksha said...

thats what i call turning a new leaf!this one was "the one" that held my intrest!now thats YOU- sarcastic on social issues!sarcasm put in a best way!n i agree with all the maangaas!

Karthik said...

I wasn't expecting the second part of the post to be a humorous one.. you got me there... It was real fun reading it.
And the final punch in the face, 'the above stuff is possible.... if I become a friggin politician!' This was splendid! Way to go, man. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Kudos! Keep 'em coming. :)

Kshitij said...

Hey Saurabh. I enjoyed reading the post. Although I stay miles away from politics and political writeups, your post was interesting enough for me to read it completely. Good job. I know you are not getting any reviews on Indi. Keep patience. It happens. Once people start visiting your site, you won't even ask for reviews.

Thoughts said...

u know wht.....ur commands are indeed worth completing.....somebody shud actually take up the pain to look these up....

i wonder when the day comes when these so called politians who actually talk about running our country actually run it.... i wonder whn they actually fullfill our demands.....!!!

Thoughts said...

and by the way...we do need some promising (and i mean really promising) politians in our country....!!! thank god u r standing for the elections.... i know u will change the face of india in the near future.... my vote is gonna b reserved for u..!!!

writerzblock said...

LOL! Good one!

Sucha said...

Niceone..I had a similar one o my blog during the Lok Sabha elections. You can see it on http://sucharam.blogspot.com/2009/04/great-indian-appearing-act.html

Loved your list of wishes especially the pot hole free road! Great write up..

Manjari Singh said...

"They are excellent critics, but sadly they are nothing else"

" I wonder whether the word promise has anything to do with the word comPROMISE."

TWO THUMPs UP!!

very nicely written

n list is obviously cool
n yes you have got one more follower!

Dreamer said...

Demands 5,6 and 9 were simply hilarious. And I think 11 could apply to anyone who chooses not to live in a Metro.

mariam said...

ur blog are really good to read. I liked ur demands.teddy, nice thoughts actually.
keep writng.

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@sorcy
I guess some of your sense of humor has brushed onto me!
@ archana
your comments always inspire me to write more.
@aka
Well part of my sarcastic charisma comes from you!
@kshitij
after considering your words, I no longer care about my indirank
@Apurwa
Thanks for reserving your vote, but I wish you could reserve some job for me! lol
@ Sucha
Thanks, read your stuff too... its nice and simple
@manjari
thanks for the valuable support. If i get elected, you can be my PA! lol
@Dreamer
Thank you. I myself loved the reservation clause.
Just like super lotto!
"aur is saal ka 25% reservation goes to OBCs!!!!"
@mariam
thanks yaar. You cared to type a whole comment for my blog!
m looking forward to read something from you!

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