The one where I become a girlfriend.

Yup you read it right... I've not made a typo while wanting to write "I HAVE a girlfriend."

But before that have you met the Gulab Jamun Gal?

So here goes... The GJ Gal has this gang of giggling girls (alliteration!). Amongst them, shez got a best friend. Lets call her the The Choco Gal (I guess I like calling gals with food names. No matter how angry you are, you end up calling them sweetly). Usually GJG and Choco Gal are all yackety yak yak yak all the time talking about everything under the sun. Its almost impossible to imagine the amount of stuff they can speak through their teeny weeny mouths. Add to that the 'aankhon ke ishaare' conversations that they indulge in when they meet. It is as if they were created by god to give an opinion on everything and everyone.

Unfortunately (for me) it was not to last. Some days back the Choco gal got hitched with a guy from her college. We all are like Yay! Finally she got a bakra to give her lifts, and pay her bills (thats what boyfriends do right?) Everyonez happy happy about the whole thing. But soon the cloud begins to lift. Choco Gal is with the Bakra all the time and GJ Gal has no one to talk to. The gossip pressure is building up inside her and she can't wait no more.

That is when I received a sms from her. "Shoaib Malik is giving an interview on the news. Looking kind of cute."

Me thinks W00T? Shoaib? Cute? Why is she using these words while talking to me? I really wanted to give a fitting reply but I just couldn't even lie and say something like "Sania looks HAWT"

So I replied with a typical guyz kinda reply "Hez so dumb! Whats wrong with you gals anyways?"

And then she goes on to describe his nose and his sherwani and other stuff that would make me puke if I hadn't been starving all day. I went crazy thinking about whats wrong with her. More like whats wrong with me that she is talking to me like this.

Some days later I get a sms "Vijay Mallya is such dude." I reply "Yeah and he owns BOOZE!" She replies back "Hez kinda cute and nice cheeks." Now I'm freaking out. WHAT THE EFF does "CUTE" mean? I've never been able to decode this particular term my whole life. And what is she talking all this "cute" stuff with me?

So I decide to ask her "What is going on here? Why are you talking as if I'm your girlfriend?"

She: What can I do? Choco Gal is busy and you are the only one who is all ears (forcibly)

I think this could be fun to mess around with...

Me: So now that we're girlfriends, what are we supposed to talk about ? Lip Gloss? Hand Bags? Stilettos? (No cursing in the comments about this please)

She: Well lets talk about the dark spots on my face. What cream do I use?

Me: You can use some black paint. That way the spots will be camouflaged!

She: Shut up! I want to get rid of them.

Me: My net is down. Nahi to I'd have forwarded you all the beauty tips available!

She: Thanks Girlfriend! (emphasizing on the gf part) I think I like my new gf more!

Me: I dunno whether I should take this as a compliment or strangle myself.

She: Of course its a compliment. You're discovering your feminine side.

Me: W00T? I don't want no feminine side!

And on and on it went...

I'm seriously begun to doubt who the Bakra is in this case but I'm praying the Choco Gal gets back to her networking soon enough.

Coz I don't want to start my day with messages that read "Hey my girlie! Watcha doin?" To which the most I can do is blurt a "Hey sista!"

Bluddy Typo

Heya Ppl. Long time since my last post. Just been busy with my college programs and class tests. Going through *THAT* phase of my life. Yeah... The exam preparation one!

Anyways here is an incident I wanna share with you guys. In 2009 I'd appeared for an exam held by Bank of India for Clerical Post.

• All the people who rolled their eyes at '2009', chillax. Its not that I'm blogging too late about this thing, I just had a ummmm an oath let say. We'll come to that later.
• All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Bank', chillax. I don't plan to stay in the banking business all my life.I just had to show the people around me that I was not totally useless (I can be used as a bad example!)
• All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Clerical', chillax. What did you expect? You can't become a branch manager directly by giving exams! Steps of the ladder you see...

Back to the topic... So after giving this exam I'd totally forgotten about it and din even remember to check the result. One fine lucky day I got this letter from the Bank saying that I've been selected for the Interview round and I was like W00t? Really? This must be easy that! Being Happy happy, I went about telling people that I've been selected for the interview to which most of them replied in the sarcastic tone ever "Clerical hi hai na?.... Then thik hai" Idiots! half of them have been bluddy unemployed for most of their lives!

Then came to interview thingie which I was quite confident about. The panel was great. They were interested in my blogging too. They even asked me whether I will blog about my interview experience to which I promptly replied in the positive, hoping they'd at least gimme the job trying to get featured on my AweSome blog!

*I see the '2009' people rolling their eyes again. I said I'l come back to it.

Anyways again coming back to the topic. I finished my interview and came back home like a cow comes back to the shed in the evening. Soon after the interview thing was long forgotten.

Just a week back I happened to check the website of the Bank and was I surprised to see my name amongst the selected candidates. It was a gr8 surprise for me and the family. Our family has so many bankers, that if we owned a bank, we'd not need other employees at all!

So everything settled, I decided to inform all my friends and family (especially the jobless losers who are jobless most of the time and losers the remaining time)

So typed a msg and sent it to my sis

"Hey wudup? Guess what... I cleared the bank thing"

After a few minutes she replied

"Hey thats so great! You cleared the audition too?"

me: (thinking Audition = Interview): Yes of course. The panel was sweet!

She: Oh this is so great! I gotta tell all my friends, my bro is such a Rockstar!"

Me: (wondering with a big aaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg? Whats with her? Is this the first time someone is getting a govt job in this company/) Ya Ya... Sure Sure.

She: So when is your gig? Wherez you playing next?

Me: (Bigger AAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG?) What you talking about? You talking to me na?

She: Whenz you're band gonna play? and where? I want passes haaaaaa.... For all my friends.

Me: Band? What Band? I got a job in a BANK! The only band there is the rubber band to keep the notes together!

She: Thats what you told me! Dumbo! Next time watch what you send...

It was then that I check my outbox. While sending the first msg, I committed a typo that ruined my day. Wrote BAND instead of BANK. Due to which my sis thought I had participated in so band contest and had cleared it. I picked up the cell again.

Me: Oops sorry. My bad! But thanks for ruining it for me. Now everytime I tell anyone, I get reminded that it'd been lot more cooler if I'd given a band audition!

She: Oh Buzz off! Imagine what I'l go through when my 'free pass" friends will come to know that my bro is in a bank and not a band! And BTW, get me something decent from your first salary.

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Typos are becoming a part of life these days. especially when you're using predictive text on your phone.

I sent a similar msg to a friend who is a little too smart and just loves to look me down.

"Dude I got selected"

He replied with "Oh man that's so sad. But its OK dude. Everyone can't pass that thing"

After checking I found that "selected" and "rejected" are written with the same set of keys on the phone.

To this date he is not ready to accept that I have passed!

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CREDITS:

• Archana (the bling bling diamond gal): for kicking my laziness out and making me write this.
• The Bank of India Interview Panel: It will be a pleasure working with you guys. I had promised you, I'l write about you, and here it is! Keep up the good work Sirs.
• The BSNL Guys: After about 2 hours of mindless non sense DCs, finally there is connectivity when I need to post! (I almost debited you)

Now me being a banker, can't credit everything. Have to debit stuff to keep the balance!

DEBITS:

• The loojers who think they'll be given jobs at higher posts directly.
• The smartie in whose face I'l have to slam my appointment letter so that he finally believes that I made it!

PS: Oops... Almost forgot about the oath. Well this post had struck me a long time back. And I was planning to post it during the interview period. But I was apprehensive of the fact that people would ask me finally about my result. So I decided to publish this post only after the result and only if I passed coz it would suck to tell every other commentator that I failed.

Conversation

This is the conversation I had with my blog friend Archana...

me: so how was your day?
 

Archana: gud but quiteee busy yaar with my application process
 

me: oh ya
  amrika!
 

Archana: hahaha
I donno
trust me if they reject my application
i will stop studying
and try to become a full time writer

haha :P 

I will sell all my dad's property to publish those books that no one will ever buy
 

hey how is my plan?
 

me: gr8
I'l buy them!
surely!
 

Archana: hehe
I will gift u
 

me: I was talking about the properties! *tilt tilt tilt*
this is going to my blog

Boomerang

This is just a conversation I had this morning. Like majority of my conversations, it was done through the gift of SMS.

As usual, me and the Gulab Jamun Gal spend a lot of time talking about our fitness missions (more talking, less doing) and how stunning we gonna look after the whole fitness mission is completed (which maybe eons away).

Gulab Jamun Gal: My uncle's wedding tomorrow. I've applied mehendi. People are getting Super Shocked!
Me: Jyada Sundar and sensual dikhegi to you'll steal the spotlight away from the bride. Lol
GJG: You and I are the best Maals re! Spotlight to mujhpar hona hi hai!
Me: Tu to Yoga Babe hai re. The spotlight wouldn't dare leave you. Chal me going for bath now. Have to shave too. Must look my charming best na!
GJG: Yup dude. You are the showstopper! Go wow the world. *Check myself in the mirror, feeling gooooood*

Me: You are the queen of flattery. *Hoping for another compliment in return*

GJG: Na Na... I am the queen of Sarcasm! *STRIKE OUT*

Fiction 55 (3)

He felt defeated. He knew he had to save the day After all the efforts he had put in, all the pain he had suffered, these people didn’t give a damn. All his efforts wasted. He was fully exhausted. But He has to go on and do his duty. After all he is Sachin Tendulkar!






This struck me when India lost the match inspite Sachin scoring 175 runs. This shows that the team expects him to stick it out till the end if he wants to take credit for Man of the Match. Also I wont miss the chance of smirking at the 80000 FANS who bought Tickets for the game at to be held at Vashi considering the fact that Australia KO'd us and clinched the series.
Reminds me of a conversation...


Mr. Confident : Dude you want tickets for the game at vashi? I got kool passes from my company.
Me : Lets see if India stays in the series. I'l decide after that.
Mr. C : C'mon man... We gonna win. And the Vashi one too! (So much for Optimism)
Me : Dude I'l tell you later. I'll have to arrange the cash too... For the tickets.
Mr. C : You better do it fast. The tickets have been sold out on the first day itself! (Achievement?)
Me : I'll let you know as soon as possible.
*CLICK*

After the Ill Fated Match
Mr. C : Dude Wats up?
Me : Roflol
Mr. C : Very Funny
Me : lol lol lol lol
Mr. C : The bright side is that you need not arrange the cash. Coz we're getting them free!
Me : loling so much that *CLICK*

Mission impausable

I guess I'm on a Blogging Spree!!! All that stuff I had planned to write while my Broadband was down is oozing out of by brain!

Me and a friend have started a fitness mission from next week today. Shez into Yoga, I'm into... ummm..... errrrr....... jogging I guess. I dunno, mainly I'm into Sleep!

Now we have agreed to keep a watch on each otherz routines so that neither will go astray and/or neither will blame the other if we end up losing our minds rather than weight!

This Morning:

Gulab Jamun Gal : Hie Good Morn. Finally aaj se yoga shuru hua mera... Hoping for more improvements in myself... (like telling the truth for a change) Gd Day!

Me : Me too woke up early today! (No sign of any workout) Today we begin our tryst with a fitter destiny! And months later we'll emerge slimmer, fitter, better creatures!Cheers to That!

GJ: Hehehe... Yup. We will emerge Stronger, sexier & saucier & hope to see a better you and me... in clothes of smaller sizes... Atleast the mirror wont shy from fitting us into him lolz

Me: We could get a larger mirror! But I'm fighting till the end! And later celebrate our success with some sugar free gulab jamuns!

GJ: Yup Our fight is with the mirror. we wont give up. The sugar free Gulab Jamuns & Choc Cake is our final destination. We will reach there soon. Few months to go :-)

Now that the Oath has been taken, I just hope these months don't turn into years like most of our Govt. Projects!