Friday, October 23, 2009

Fiction 55 (2)

She was scared, almost terrified. But she needed to do it. She wanted to. He reassured that he would be very gentle on her. This was her first time. This could ruin her life. She was too drunk to object. He waited. She finally said "let's do it". And on buzzed the Tattoo Gun.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Fiction 55 #1

She had her seductive gaze on me. She always got what she wanted. She walked to me in her sensuous swagger, licking her lips and purred her demand into my ear. Who was I to object? I was too eager to oblige rather than face her wrath. I immediately put forward her bowl of Cat Food.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Great Indian Tamaasha!

Ahh... Its election time again, the time when everything changes drastically. The winds blow in the random motion. The Sun revolves around the earth. The rulers become rulees! Rivers change courses and flow into different oceans. Suddenly the Common Man becomes an all important entity that has to be pleased with offerings of visits, speeches, promises, bribes and some ego polishing.

I wish all politicians were bloggers. The kind of imagination they possess is unfathomable. It would be fascinating to read what plans they have for the future (plans = only plans and are not related in any way to the concept of completing them)

Back to the Topic. The election is a great Tamasha of extra-ordinary proportions, greater than any Indo-Pak cricket match, Yash Raj movie, KBC episode or any grand marriage ever.
Maybe because it involves everyone from a farmer to an industrialist who are a part of this DEMOCRACY of ours.
A nice thing about democracy is that the value of a vote of a multi-billionaire is equal to the value of a vote of a bankrupt suicidal farmer. Its one of those things that bridge the massive economic divide of our vast country.

It is time for Prachaar Sabhas and huge shows of power. I notice never-seen-before people in tide-ki-safedi clothes (trying to hide their dark intentions) walking all across my town and meeting random people. Suddenly everyone is familiar to them and there are lots and lots of namastes and handshakes (enough for a Guinness Records).

Watching this brings a smile on my lips - a pitiful smile. I smile at our own stupidity. How easily we get swept by the people in power. How quickly we idolize them by sidetracking our own principles. Some people can recollect the same scenario 5 years back when they were given superstar status and then later were ignored for 5 long years. I guess the common man is optimistic. He would rather prefer the 5 minutes of affection than nothing at all.

Then comes the times of the mass meetings. Each fellow talks about the stuff the ruling fellow couldn't do. Maybe it is the Ekta Kapoor effect. She makes you feel better by showcasing other people's lives as more miserable than yours. The way these people talk, I can't see any spark in them for development. They are excellent critics, but sadly they are nothing else. I personally feel if you are a good critic, you should always stay as the opposition. Coz that is what they do for a living!

The ruling party makes promises to promise what other parties haven't promised. I wonder whether the word promise has anything to do with the word comPROMISE.
Newspapers analyze anything and everything possible. There is so much information to digest, that the voter fears indigestion and prefers to go on a vacation on Election Day! Ignorance is bliss truly!

Some educated, responsible voters do try to come forward and put up their demands (maybe it is a gimmick to try to be seen on TV or newspaper). It is a difficult guess whether these demands will be even remembered after the elections, let alone met! But people are nonetheless very enthu coz this is the only time when they get to be heard! Why not make the most of it?

All in all, the elections are the Great Indian Tamasha that has every Indian playing a part and which entertains the world. All Hail - The lords of Democracy!

I've just turned 21 and this time I'll be having the honor of voting in the elections. So I've prepared a list of demands (not a publicity gimmick) which are a bit different from the basic roti kapda makaan stuff that is available in wholesale these days. Here goes :

1. I want to wake up to clear sunshine everyday. No clouds in the morning. I dunno how you're gonna do it, but do it.

2. I don't mind some loadshedding provided I have battery backup to all my gadgets round the clock.

3. No rains when I'm out please. Otherwise invent rainwear that will actually keep me totally dry in the torrential Konkan rains.

4. All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

5. A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

6. All govt. offices must be customer friendly. The average amount of bribe taken by an officer must be displayed alongside his nameplate so that helpless customers need not be confused about paying more or less than what he deserves.

7. The percentage of reservations for all castes regarding jobs, education etc should be determined by a lucky draw every year so that people belonging to open category like me can blame my "good marks but jobless status" on luck.

8. The internet should be made free to all. I am ready to pay whatever BSNL asks for a good, secure, fast connection but I must be given the liberty to deduct Rs. 10 every time it disconnects and I lose my work/downloads/concentration/sanity.

9. Mobile Phone plans should be made easy to understand and should come with warnings like “you’re being robbed”, “you should change your provider”, “you deserve a landline” etc.

10. There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc.

11. People who choose to stay in their native places and not migrate to cities (like me) should be given loyalty bonus.

12. Lastly, everyone must be allowed to outsource his/her job responsibilities to others!

While reading all the above points, I realized that the above stuff is only possible…


See you at the Polling Booth!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Fine day today! Lets just start… I am a n00b to the blogging world. A huge portion of it is still unexplored and I am trying to cover as much as I can in the little time that I have. I was introduced to blogging by the Blogger community on orkut (too lazy to insert the link). When I started surfing various blogs, I noticed many of them had a common post named “TAGGED” It was like passing on a blog slambook to fellow bloggers so they can fill it up and post it in their own blogs and pass it on (TAG) further.

Frankly speaking I was fascinated by the whole ordeal and thought of it as peeves of popular bloggers. But secretly I used to yearn for the day I would be tagged. I knew it was not easy to interest interesting people to take interest in my blog just to get myself tagged! But I chose to wait… And today the day has come when two out of my millions of follower have tagged me (maybe because they ran out of people to tag or maybe they’ve tagged everyone possible already)
But it gives me great pleasure to declare that I have been TAGGED! (Smiles, waits for flashbulbs and applause)

RULE 1 - You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2 - You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3 - Copy and paste this into your notes, delete mine and type in your answers and tag your friends to answer this.

As I descend from a Yorokuraba Tribe, RULE 2 doesn’t apply to me!
So here goes…

Asked someone to marry you. Innocent
I seriously doubt that galz would take me seriously if I asked them about marriage…

Ever kissed someone of the same sex. Innocent
Yucks who invented this wicked questionnaire?

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent
I live in a village. No bar. If bar then no Table. If table then no me. If me then no dance.

Ever told a lie? Guilty
Countless times to keep the world goin…

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Innocent

Kissed a picture? Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty
High on Bhang on Holi Day

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty/Guilty

Held a snake? Guilty

Been suspended from school? Innocent
I manifested some “sincere boy” qualities

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Innocent

Been fired from a job? Guilty
Blame the recession! But now they’ve called me back! (Re-recession)

Done something you regret? Guilty
I regret staying up to write this. Gonna sleep in college 2moro!

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty
Water usually

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent
Village in Maharashtra… No Snowflakes

Kissed in the rain? Innocent
Village… No one to kiss.

Sat on a roof top? Guilty
More “stuck” than “sat”

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Guilty
You shouldn’t try to kiss a hungry dog whoz just been given food in order to impress your frnz

Sang in the shower? Guilty
Sang/Bellowed/Screamed/Whistled/Hummed/Rapped 2!

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty
I am a swimming coach. It happens regularly

Shaved your head? Innocent

Had a boxing membership? Innocent
Village again… No Boxing

Made a girlfriend cry? Innocent
No Woman, No Cry

Been in a band? Innocent
Village! Band? As in Music Band?

Shot a gun? Guilty
I shot a gun with another gun coz it was trying to kill a helpless knife.

Donated Blood? Not Guilty but Proud
I do good things for a change too

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent

Eaten cheesecake? Innocent
Ahem! Village… Cheese? Cake?

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Innocent

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent
Pierced my ear though

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Never Ever!

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Guilty

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Innocent

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent
I wanna know whoz interested in knowing this…

Joined a pageant? Innocent
Lol Village….. Pageant! or Peasant?

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty
I hope she totally meant it.

Had communication with your ex? Innocent
No X, Y or Z

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent
I don’t drink

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Innocent
I said I don’t drink

Now that I’m done with the grilling, I am supposed to TAG other people. I would have, but both my fellas Sorcerer and Yemiledu have already been tagged and I can’t dare tag them again and end up losing two of my valuable followers! Lolz
So case dismissed, dissolved and resolved. Anyone who wants to know where a TAG chain ends, this is it!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ad-Mad World

Its midnight and I'm wide awake... Unlike the dreaded writers block, right now I can think of lots and lots of stuff to post about. But lets just stick to the most explicit one...

Like most literate ppl, I love reading the newspaper for hours at end. I am one of those who becomes a little uneasy if the news is not on my breakfast table during tea. I simply love to while away my morning reading all and any kind of news (especially if my mom asks me to help with the chores, I develop an increased interest in the world) ;-)

Now I am totally aware that the Mumbai Mirror or the DNA does not run on the measly Rs. 2.50 that I pay everyday to suck up all that is goin around in the world. Heck I think it doesn't even cover the transport cost. So I guess the main source of income for these dailies is Advertisments. Plus they have to pay for the defamation suits that are filed for any wrong information printed by mistake. (Thank God Rakhi Sawant does not have that much legal sense!)

Every day I greedily grab the paper and instead of finding Bold, Large Font Headlines there is an stupid advertisment of some stupid insurance company making my future prosperous or a stupid construction company showing a tower which hasn't even been built (and when built, I wont even dream of buying it) staring back at me. OMG it enrages me so much! But what can I do? I can't tear it up... What is the problem with these people? I mean HEADLINES are supposed to be HEADLINES! You can't insult them by allotting them Page 2!!!!!! Do I buy the newspaper to see a frigging ad on the first page? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
The same thing for the last page. I go through the whole thing discussing some of the items with whoever is besides me (including the dogs who don't care less) skipping the classified section (with the weird friendship clubs "models, air hostesses, housewives" as I don need them right now (the classifieds! lol), enjoying the cartoons and stuff, and thinking the newspaper is comin to an end. I flip to the last page and AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH another ad! They just wasted two important pages of my life!

I will never forgive them. Today I urge all cool people reading this post to not buy any goods or services from the people who put their ads on the first page! This ought to teach them a lesson!

There was once a time when we would locate an ad in context of the news item it was placed besides. These days its vice verse. (Dude did you check the news between the Samsung and the Electrolux ads? Therez gonna be a blackout due to high consumption by appliances!) Ironic!

On Dassera day I literally had to search news item from between the ads. For a moment I thought the MIRROR and VIJAY Sales was owned by the same person. They had a half page ad on almost every page! I wonder why they call it NEWSpaper! It should be ADSpaper!

Hussssssshhhhhhhh! I feel better now. Blogging is an cool way to vent your anger. Ans so is gaming!
Here is another game that I was playing and its damn interesting (not for the Physics Challenged)

Do try it out.

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