Yup you read it right... I've not made a typo while wanting to write "I HAVE a girlfriend."
So here goes... The GJ Gal has this gang of giggling girls (alliteration!). Amongst them, shez got a best friend. Lets call her the The Choco Gal (I guess I like calling gals with food names. No matter how angry you are, you end up calling them sweetly). Usually GJG and Choco Gal are all yackety yak yak yak all the time talking about everything under the sun. Its almost impossible to imagine the amount of stuff they can speak through their teeny weeny mouths. Add to that the 'aankhon ke ishaare' conversations that they indulge in when they meet. It is as if they were created by god to give an opinion on everything and everyone.
Unfortunately (for me) it was not to last. Some days back the Choco gal got hitched with a guy from her college. We all are like Yay! Finally she got a bakra to give her lifts, and pay her bills (thats what boyfriends do right?) Everyonez happy happy about the whole thing. But soon the cloud begins to lift. Choco Gal is with the Bakra all the time and GJ Gal has no one to talk to. The gossip pressure is building up inside her and she can't wait no more.
That is when I received a sms from her. "Shoaib Malik is giving an interview on the news. Looking kind of cute."
Me thinks W00T? Shoaib? Cute? Why is she using these words while talking to me? I really wanted to give a fitting reply but I just couldn't even lie and say something like "Sania looks HAWT"
So I replied with a typical guyz kinda reply "Hez so dumb! Whats wrong with you gals anyways?"
And then she goes on to describe his nose and his sherwani and other stuff that would make me puke if I hadn't been starving all day. I went crazy thinking about whats wrong with her. More like whats wrong with me that she is talking to me like this.
Some days later I get a sms "Vijay Mallya is such dude." I reply "Yeah and he owns BOOZE!" She replies back "Hez kinda cute and nice cheeks." Now I'm freaking out. WHAT THE EFF does "CUTE" mean? I've never been able to decode this particular term my whole life. And what is she talking all this "cute" stuff with me?
So I decide to ask her "What is going on here? Why are you talking as if I'm your girlfriend?"
She: What can I do? Choco Gal is busy and you are the only one who is all ears (forcibly)
I think this could be fun to mess around with...
Me: So now that we're girlfriends, what are we supposed to talk about ? Lip Gloss? Hand Bags? Stilettos? (No cursing in the comments about this please)
She: Well lets talk about the dark spots on my face. What cream do I use?
Me: You can use some black paint. That way the spots will be camouflaged!
She: Shut up! I want to get rid of them.
Me: My net is down. Nahi to I'd have forwarded you all the beauty tips available!
She: Thanks Girlfriend! (emphasizing on the gf part) I think I like my new gf more!
Me: I dunno whether I should take this as a compliment or strangle myself.
She: Of course its a compliment. You're discovering your feminine side.
Me: W00T? I don't want no feminine side!
And on and on it went...
I'm seriously begun to doubt who the Bakra is in this case but I'm praying the Choco Gal gets back to her networking soon enough.
Coz I don't want to start my day with messages that read "Hey my girlie! Watcha doin?" To which the most I can do is blurt a "Hey sista!"