Stuff I Learnt Today

The S O S

2011-10-02T12:30:00.000+05:30

It had been a lazy Saturday for her. Uploading pics, texting friends and forwarding jokes all day, she decided to get a life and headed to a pub to meet with friends. After some chitchat and a bit of drinking she decided to drop out and catch a cab home while the others decide to stay. The moment she stepped out, she realized that the cabbies were on strike. Cursing them and then her own misfortune she turned to the long dark road to the nearest bus stop but soon her anger turned to fear as she heard footsteps shadowing her. It was late and the road was lonely which made her panic all the more. She brisked up her pace only to find that the footsteps followed step. She further quickened, turning into a lane hoping to lose the shadow behind. But today was just not her day for the person turned behind her. She began to sweat thinking of the consequences. Without a second thought she flipped out her phone to call her dad. Her mind went blank when she got the busy tone. After about trying 5 times she decided to text him. She quickly typed a SOS message and hit send hoping he would read it immediately and call, only to find a glaring message on her cellphone screen...

'Check operator Services'

"Damn these 100 texts get over so quickly", She cursed as broke into a run.

Through Her Eyes...

2011-07-29T10:11:00.000+05:30

I looked at her staring at nothingness, maybe in some deep thought. She was one of the most stunningly beautiful girl I had ever seen. It was just impossible to not notice her. Honey was her complexion with killer eyes to match. I found myself staring at her but she didn't seem to mind. Her eyes were fixated at a spot in a distance. I found myself thinking more about her. Maybe she was waiting for a guy. For a very lucky guy that is! For a girl with her beauty, surely the guy had to be a hunk. And then he came. Strangely the guy was very dark and he could be called anything but handsome. I wonder what was wrong with the girl. She could have had any guy she wanted. She smiled a sparkle when he tiptoed in from behind her and whispered something into her ear. Oh I was going crazy thinking about her but it all stopped when she reached for her white cane.

The Glaring Truth

2011-07-24T00:17:00.001+05:30

I looked up as the stilettos clattered outside my cosmetics shop. Mesmerized by the sight of this fine lady that was walking in, I tried hard not to stare but in vain. Long legs that went forever wrapped in a silken skirt. And a white top that hugged her in all the right places. Her skin was a flawless wheatish and her features almost perfect. A large pair of sunglasses masked her pretty face. She ran her fingers through her hair which made me notice her rather large diamond ring.

"Rich, Beautiful and Married", I thought, "What more could one want!"

The next moment she walked up to me, removed her glares and asked, "Can you gimme something to hide this black eye?"

The Irony

2011-05-22T17:57:00.000+05:30

He settled on his throne and inhaled the smell of the currency notes. Staring at the bundles, wide-eyed, he had never seen so much cash at one place before. It had taken him three hours to just count it. Time and again he slipped into day dreams thinking what he could do with this kind of money. He looked at a clock and shuddered back to reality. With a sigh the cashier put the cash in the vault and checked his pocket to see if he had enough coins for the bus journey home.

Showing me off...

2011-03-13T18:05:00.001+05:30

(Parental Advisory: Naughty Content)

He said that I would look more attractive if I were shaved.

He said I would love the nakedness of it all.

He said it was stylish.

He said I would feel cleaner.

He said it wouldn't hurt.

He said he had been thinking about this for a long time.

He said he would do it himself.

He said he would be careful.

He said he would go slow.

He said was ready to begin.

He said to lay down.

He said that he would help me relax.

He said he loved me.

He said he felt like an artist.

He said he was done.

He said he adored the way it looked.

He said he was pleased with his work.

He said he wanted to show me off.

He said he needed to take me out like this.

He said that he wanted people to see me like this.

He said we would have a most exciting day.

He said he would be right back.

He said he had to get his shoes on.

I said...

...Well I didn't say anything. Poodles don't talk.

The battle

2010-11-10T20:34:00.000+05:30

I, With my chin up, upholding my poise,
He takes his position with his weapon of choice.

I surrender meekly as I wanna survive,
Just hoping somehow I'll come out alive.

I close my eyes as he makes his move first,
I realise being a man is really a curse.

With a swish the merciless steel cuts through my skin,
Blood gushes out to see who committed this sin.

He smiles cheekily at me as I stare, my eyes grave,
He lunges forward and dabs a little after-shave!

Now wasn't that a close shave? LITERALLY!

Brandz

2010-10-24T08:41:00.001+05:30

Nokia
Lauret
Oral B
Close up
Old Spice
Gilette
Dove
Pepe Jeans
Peter England
Nokia
Kelloggs
Happy Dent
Reebok
Bajaj Pulsar
Cello
HP
BSNL Dataone
HP
Bajaj Pulsar
Sony
Transcend
Creative
Oral B
Close up
Kurl-on

Well these are usually the brands that I use from the start to end of my day. Hey this could be turned into a tag!

Return...

2010-09-04T19:48:00.000+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Jeff read and re-read the paper again. His father had been a shrewd conman all his life. Not to forget a filthy rich conman who never had been caught. But he would never betray his only son. They were mates for life. And now that his father was dying, Jeff wanted to make sure he didn't miss out on anything. He personally took care of him and even paid for the lavish funeral. In return while counting his last breaths, his father handed him a cheque with an amount that left Jeff's mouth involuntarily open. What further shocked him was when the bank sent a memo that read...

"Cheque Returned due to insufficient funds."

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

The Smile

2010-08-27T22:42:00.001+05:30

He looked at the crippled guy standing alongside at the railway station and a number of thoughts flashed across his mind. He smiled as he thanked god for giving him everything perfect. But the smile vanished at the sight of the arriving train. He looked at the suffocating mob of people and planned his strategy to rush in. This time the crippled smiled as he easily climbed the empty handicap compartment.

Burning...

2010-08-18T10:06:00.000+05:30

He felt the club was his home

He'd be there all the time

Loafing around with friends

Drinking to the last dime.

One day she came in with her sultry swagger

He soon lost his sense

Her presence oozed with attitude

That seemed to make him tense

Oh his eyes burned... Burned like fire

She threw a quick glance around

Maybe something of interest she found

His eyes begged for her attention

But sadly there was no mention.

Oh his eyes burned, burned with desire

He decided it was now or never

He'd do anything whatsoever

Gathering his courage he went up to dance

Flooring her on the floor was his only chance

Oh his eyes burned, burned with pure lust

She was a dirty dancer

She surely knew her moves

He was going crazy

Doing the musical grooves

She started for the exit

He didn't know what was next

Its best to follow her out

Maybe that was what was best?

She walked through the dark alley

Without a sight behind

He thought she's playing a game

Damn she looked so fine

Oh his eyes were burning, burning with hunger

He took a deep breath and tried to grab her hand

She looked into his eyes trying make him understand

He clenched it and pulled her towards him

That was when she reached into her purse and...

Oh his eyes were burning... Just burning!

The Clue

2010-07-17T20:31:00.000+05:30

A car pulled into the driveway and screeched to a halt. She went outside to see who it was. Surprised to see her husband arrive so soon, she went down the steps to greet him.

He didn't seem in a mood to acknowledge her smile. She felt something was wrong. Seriously wrong... She decided not to ask and anger him further and followed him back to the house.

"You two timing bitch", he shouted. This sudden exclamation scared the hell out of her. She felt the color drain out of her face. But she decided she won't give up.

"Whats the matter? And why the language?" she asked in a calm tone.

"I had heard stories about you, but I was too much in love to believe them." His tone went from anger to remorse. She felt her feet trembling now but she still managed to put up a confident face.

"I won't take any more of that language now. So calm down and tell me whats wrong." She felt amazed at how calm and composed she could be. The acting classes in college had definitely helped.

"I don't give a damn. You cheated on me and you still have the guts to stand in front of me asking me to stay calm.", his eyes were fiery when he spoke this.

"What the hell are you talking about? I am not cheating on you. How in hell did you think I would do such a thing?" Her voice was rising as well.

"Just shut your mouth. This time I am dead sure that a boy has been visiting this house when I am out. You got yourself a toy now? Is that what this has come to?", He yelled.

She felt a cold shiver run down her spine as he heard these words. How did he come to know about her toyboy? She had destroyed all evidence that could lead back to her adulterous romps. She thought about the sheets and curtains and remember she had changed them. Maybe he was just taking a wild guess. Should she surrender? She decided to play on...

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about and I am not going to take anymore of this now. If you show me even one piece of evidence, I'll happily go to the gallows. The cost of loving my husband truly!"

"You don't need no gallows. Coz I'm gonna slit your throat right here right now.", Saying this, he started wandering around the house searching for clues. She had been clever to cover it all up. Not a single piece of evidence that would link to the presence of another male in this house. He went from the living room to the bedroom. But no use. She had cleaned up the trail very cleverly. He went for room to room, then the toilets and staircases and finally checked the wardrobes.

Till then she kept waiting in the living room cursing now and then at him, at her bad luck, at the person who had told him about this affair. Deep inside she was trembling as she thought about the consequences if he found anything on her.

After a few minutes he came back, his face flashing a wicked vicious smile. "You better confess or this is gonna cost you a big time."

She realized her time was up. She confessed to everything. He demanded a divorce and she meekly agreed. After a few months, they met to sign the papers. After putting her signatures she finally gathered up the courage to ask him, "How did you find out about it? I mean I was pretty sure I had cleaned out all traces."

"Simple", He smirked. "The toilet seat was up!"

Lagaan - Review

2010-07-12T19:27:00.000+05:30

This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team for the SUPER 3 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

Hello Readers...

Considering the Roar that The Sunday Roar caused last week we have the pleasure of introducing another segment to our Magazine: "Movie Time with Griz Jones". As you may be aware, Griz is a well known Hollywood critic and his reviews are highly appreciated. Unfortunately this week there were no 'foren fillums' showing, so Griz went on to see a Bollywood film. Lets see how he deals with it.

X--X--X--X--X

“Is it finally over?” Well those were my exact thoughts when I saw the end credits roll on the screen of this Bollywood splendor called Lagaan. I mean I have seen some long movies before but this one was one big cricket test match and guess what... It depicts the very same thing. I won't deny the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience, but being a Hollywood critic, I am not used to being seated for 4 hours and have more than one genre thrown at me now and then.

The Director, Mr Govarikar is a patiently patient man I must say. It must have taken him ages to make this movie considering the fact that it is so damn long. I almost embarrassed myself by trying to leave the theater during intermission. Well I thought the movie was finished till the words “intermission” flashed onto the screen. Meekly I sat down again to watch the rest of it, which was an action-packed and nerve wrecking telecast of a cricket match.

Lagaan (Tax) is the story about a man in pre-independent India, his struggle to live a free life, his love for a village belle, and his unbelievable talent in a game that he learns at breakneck speed.

Its starts with a village in India parched for rains. A bleak view of dark clouds sends the whole village in song and dance frenzy. I looked around the theater and was surprised to see other patrons swinging to the music and lip syncing the song. I guess I was the only one who was alarmed at the sudden rush of song and dance. I make a note to myself that I need to beware of these Indian movies. I have already heard that actors (or heroes as they're called) get shot in the beginning of the movie and still manage to live throughout the movie without any medical attention. Meanwhile they kill villains with just a deadly stare. But for this young man named Bhuvan, the weapon of choice is the cricket bat.

The movie has lots and lots of characters including British officers who try to speak ‘owfull’ Hindi and succeed; the hero's mother without whom any Bollywood movie is incomplete, 10 different blokes who make up the cricket team, each weirder than the other; two beautiful ladies trying to win over our boy Bhuvan and countless other villagers. Each character plays his part dutifully and adds variety to the movie. Funnily, being a Hollywood critic, I didn’t even know these many characters could exist!

The lead actress is Miss Gracy Singh who plays the love interest of our Hero. She prances around, in and out of the movie at the director’s will. Obviously Indian Cinema has to grow up and start having Women-oriented movies now. As usual there is no firm role for the actress. All she does is dance around trees, and feel jealous of the white lady who falls for boy wonder! There is no going out, no dating and definitely no sleeping around like Hollywood movies. This goes on to prove the popularity of cricket in India. People will come to watch a movie even if there is no hanky-panky but a good deal of cricket in it.

No Bollywood movie is complete without the presence of the Quintessential Maa or Mother. The Mother of the lead actor has to play a part in the movie. Otherwise Indians do not relate to it, call it an Art film and trash it. The Mother is not allowed to wear anything other than a white Saree. She is supposed to be worried about her son 24/7 and she is supposed to pray to God for most of those 24 hours. In this movie too, the mother follows all these rules to the T. I would rather not mention the motherly characters of Hollywood over here.

The most hilarious part of the movie is the casting of the team. It is agreeable that the village is shown to be small, but the creative director has succeeded in putting maximum number of jokers in the team. The selection is done by Captain Bhuvan himself and that too without any trials. I must salute the observatory powers of this actor. He has an eye for talent. The drummer becomes the fast bowler. The crippled guy becomes a spinner. Bats are carved out of wood by the carpenter and everything simply falls into place.
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The second half(!) of the movie revolves around the cricket match. I have come to know that Indians are fast learners. Well they seemed to learn the sport very fast. The weird words that they used for cricketing terms were funny I guess as the other patrons were rolling with laughter. Meanwhile I had surrendered to the mercy of subtitles. A religious song was pushed in too at end of day’s play in order to get blessings for the team. I strongly suggest no one look at the subtitles during songs because they are plain crazy. It is better to sway and hum along.

Most of the credit of the movie goes to our Hero Bhuvan. It has to! After all, he played his first match, directly as a captain, made a century, and hit a winning sixer (home run) to win the match and relieve his village from paying Tax for three years. Well now I know why they call him the Hero.

The story, screenplay and music has been top notch. Trust A. R. Rahman to do a good job. The camerawork is great too. Only thing missing is the Swiss backdrop that is usually used in Bollywood movies. But as this one had to be made in a village, maybe the director decided to shoot it in India itself (which happens very rarely)

But the movie also touches the Indian-ness of Indians. It showcases their respect for others, their belief in god, their attitude to dare beyond, and mostly prominently it shows their faith. And this faith is not only put across to the viewer, it is almost imbibed on the mindset of the viewer. The director and the crew end up doing a splendid job. I would highly recommend people to watch this movie albeit with a small instruction – Take a bathroom break before it starts!

Know Me - Tag

2010-07-09T19:58:00.003+05:30

Yay I got tagged! By none other than Meghana! Now how cool is that! In this tag, supposedly, I have to write few things about myself that you people may now know.

But firstly following the Blogger code of conduct, I have to say goody goody things about Meg...

Meg is this bubbly, zany, sweet gal who writes great poems on her blog Megzone. She writes nice poems with minimum words effortlessly. Most importantly, her poems are easy to understand. She is a great networker and has a huge fan following. She participates in almost all the contests in the Blogverse and manages to keep in touch with all her virtual friends.

I remember Chanz had tagged me with a similar Honest Scrap Tag. So a few things about her too... Chandni is a frank and no-nonsense blogger. She blogs about life from her eyes, but really writes from her heart. I've been away from her blog for a while but going back once I finish with this.

OK now that thatz done, lets do the tag...

Doing such tags is not an easy job for me. It involves a lot of introspection and thinking. Add to that the fact that I am plain lazy. So gals, that is why I am taking this one so late.

I find it very hard to say 'no' to people. It gets me into trouble sometimes, but i just can't help it.
I am highly adjustable with people and surroundings. I can put up with any kind of people without cribbing. Same way, i don't have a problem adjusting to new places... That makes me the ultimate employee ainit?!
I love living in a village than living in a city... I really don't care if i do not get all the comfy amenities... I secretly wish some one leaves me an inheritance of 25-30 buffaloes. I'd give up everything and get into livestock bijness!
I really really don't care for money. Till date I have seen a lot of money come and go... So I'd rather have a moderate income and more time on my hands than loads of money but no time to spend it...
Phew only 4 done? Man this is tough!
I think birth and death is highly overrated. Some of my friends think its a sin to forget birthdays... Well I'm going to hell for sure. And I feel everything has to come to an end. People die... Deal with it. Their time was up. So they had to go... You crying for ages and skipping dinner is not going to bring them back...
I just hate changing cellphones and numbers. Its a real pain keeping track.
I pity people who take life too seriously.
I simply love to text people. Texting is my twitter. But i feel sad when people don't reply. I mean if I spent so much time typing that stuff, least you can do is acknowledge it by giving a ring.
Finally... I expect very little from life in general. I'm a thorough optimistic. Maybe that is why people find me a little too happy.

Now comes the tagging part... Well this is an open tag... Anyone is free to take it... The more interesting the better... Just leave a link at the bottom when you do...

Mere Pass Maa ka Interview Hai!

2010-06-28T00:38:00.007+05:30

This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team for the SUPER 4 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

It was one of those days. My editor had sent me to interview a weird personality again. It was not a problem for me, I'd done loads of interviews of variety of people from drunk superstars to sleeping beauties (!) But this was a tricky one for me. Loaded, maybe overflowing with emotion and tears, the quintessential Bollywood ki Maa was my interviewee!

I'd grown up watching Bollywood movies, but the Maa factor had always fascinated me. So I was looking forward to it as well. I reached the Haveli that she lived in and rung the bell (I was wondering if I should cry "MAAAAAAA" instead!)

She opened the door in a Tide-ki-safedi-white saari. It got me thinking about my own mom in flashback. (maybe its the bollywood effect). She invited me in and I followed her inside into the Haveli.

Wondering how to address her I simply said, “Hi Maa”
Just then she broke into tears all the while repeating her signature “Tumne mujhe Maa kaha!” at least 5 times. Oh God! this was not going to be easy!

We then started the interview. I asked her about her childhood to which I got a stunning reply. She did not have a childhood at all! She was directly born a Maa. I asked her how it was possible, to which she explained that every director wants to focus on the Hero’s childhood (at least in flashback) but there was no reference to the Maa’s childhood. After-all she had lived her whole life in the movies. She has no separate existence.

This was beginning to get all the more interesting. I decided to go for some serious grilling now...

Me: So how has life been for you in general? I mean you are not the usual everyday human being you know.
Maa: Believe me beta it has been tough. I’ve gone blind 13 times only to get back my eyesight from the lights of Sai Baba’s mandir. Believing in God has been one of the greatest principles of my life.

Me: Oh I can imagine the agony you must have been through.
Maa: You never can. I’ve undergone surgeries all over the world with no time to recuperate because the next film is always waiting. Plus most of the time I was made to travel on foot, so my back hurts as hell. Its not easy being a mother you see...

Me: What do you think about Hollywood then?
Maa: Hollywood moms have the easiest life out there. Wearing Gucci and YSL and what not while I’m tied up to this white Saree all the time only because my husband had to die so that my son could live. Hollywood moms sleep around all the time. But I’m a strict Pativrata. I don’t like all these things.

Me (a bit uncomfortable now): But people all over the world salute the Bollywood Maa...
Maa: Why shouldn’t they? I’m one poor suffering soul who lives for others. I’m bound to be worshiped. Considering the god-forbidden-things their moms do, I’m like an epitome of purity.

Me: So true... So tell me some interesting incident from your reel life.
Maa: (smirks) As if I have a Real Life! Well once these people from a NGO crashed onto the sets to complain about my crying on screen. They said that most of the area was suffering from droughts and I was crying buckets on screen. People had even stopped crying because they couldn’t afford to lose anymore water. The director had to halt shooting for two days. I was so relieved that I’d get two days off, but at that moment itself my son returned home with a tattoo that said “Mera Baap Chor Hai”. Imagine my frustration, having to roam from laser clinic to laser clinic to find someone who could get rid of it, but all in vain. Finally the director decided to use it in the movie itself!

Me: (Eyebrows raised) Oh so that was how it..... Umm never mind. Lets talk about the famous Gajar ka Halwa now.
Maa: DON'T YOU DARE! You people have taken me for granted! You leave the poor me and get lost somewhere for years and then return and expect me to whip up some halwa in a jiffy? Are Gajar ka season bhi nahi hai ab to! Plus there is no sugar in the house.

Me: I was not asking you to make it.
Maa: Then it ok. These day everyone is asking me about it. So I got a little worked up. Sorry. I feel I’ve made more halwa in my life than the nukkad wala halwai himself! Sometimes he even asks if I got any surplus left!

Me: Oh OK never mind. So what have you been up-to lately? Movies are changing fast these days. You finding it easier to adapt?
Maa: Not a bit. Its been a long journey for me. These days mom’s don’t get much roles in movies. So I’m kinda jobless most of the time.Plus these days the director makes me wear negligees and seduce older men, which frankly I find disgusting. Before the only worry was whether my Beta will come home alive. Now I have to worry about his sexual orientation as well. I thank God if he is straight. But when I see him clinging to another guy, I see 9 months of my life go down the drain! Its not easy to swallow you see. I mean the Truth is not easy to swallow. (winks)

With these words she gets me a cup of tea. I say “Are itni kyu taklif ki” to which she get dramatic again and say “Bete ke liye banai hai. Isme taklif kaisi?” I make a mental note to be aware of potential words that may spark her emotions.

We return to the interview.
Me: Lets talk about your Bahus now.
Maa: (sighs) I’ve spent my whole life in the movies. I wonder why my sons believe I can’t spot their acting... I see these gals struggling to carry of those Sarees they are wearing. Hell they can’t even bend to touch my feet without showing off some or the other part of their bodies. Jo umar bhar bikini pehente ayi ho, woh ek din mein saaree kya pehenegi! Sometimes I think they’re just in for my sons’ money. But after all it is all about mere bete ki khushi. So usually I keep my thoughts to myself and agree to the proposal. Waise bhi they can’t cook mera wala Gajar ka Halwa!

Me: And your Betas?
Maa: Mostly I’ve been blessed with good sons. Even if they go rogue during the movie, they become good at the end. Sab bollywood ki maya hai! But these days I’m worried. I see lot of these vrudhhashrams running these days. Before it was not a problem. But now I fear even my sons may consider putting me in one of those. So I’m planning for the future. But its next to impossible to work out these new insurance company plans.

Me: Speaking of the future... What are your future plans?
Maa: As I told you... Films these days do not need the Maa character at all. Hell time will come when even the lead actress will become obsolete. But I haven’t thought much into the future right now. Maybe I get a nice retirement and spend the rest of my days relaxing in this haveli. (Looks out of the window)

Me: Are you expecting someone?
Maa: Mere Karan Arjun ayenge. I had asked them to get a plumber to fix the bathroom pipes. So waiting for them. But Mere Karan Arjun jaroor ayenge!

Me: Last question. Do you have any message for the people of today?
Maa: Tum to mere bete jaise ho... Only thing I would like to say is: Stay good to your parents. Don’t act in any way that would hurt them or make them repent of the time they gave birth to you. The same way, as myself, even the Earth is your mother. So take care that you do not hurt her in any way (I’m surprised how she inserted the Green element so effortlessly! Now that will win some brownie points!) Tumne achha kiya to tumhara achha hi hoga.

The last line touched me and I decided to follow it in my life too. Saying goodbye to Maa was not easy. She came to see me off at the doorstep and I could see tears in those eyes. Suddenly I felt my heart get heavy. I hugged her and promised her that I’ll be back soon, not giving a date, making her wait, like she always does for all her sons. It had been the best interview of my life and the first thing I want to do it thank my editor for letting me do it.

Here is our magazine: Click on the image to download the pdf version.

Check out the works of the great minds of the people behind The Sunday Roar.

Debosmita’s in-depth article on the Bhopal Gas Tragedy
http://debosmita.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/cover-story/

Sudhakar’s racy account of ‘The Domestic Olympics’
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-domestic-olympics/

Sudhakar’s intriguing thriller (crime fiction)
http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-garage-door/

Neha’s unique limerick on Indian politics,
http://www.nehasilam.com/2010/06/future-not-so-bright.html

Pallavi’s quick comic/55-er on power of media
http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/breaking-news-again/

Rashmi’s interesting travel journal – City City Bang Bang
http://hungrypiranha.blogspot.com/

Kanagu’s analysis of Print Versus Electronic media
http://kanaguonline.wordpress.com/

The Dark Lord - 55-er

2010-06-18T23:44:00.000+05:30

The Dark Lord rose to stark silence. He looked around as his followerss bent down on their knees and he felt a sense of immortality flowing through his veins. There was probably not a single thing that he couldn't do. He simply had done it all. And the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Rajnikanth!

PS: I'm aware that there is at least one typo in the post, but as Rajnikant's keyboard doesn't have a backspace key, I'm keeping it that way!

Thanks Meg for the pic.

The 12 Commandments

2010-06-14T01:24:00.002+05:30

This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team for the SUPER 5 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

Don’t you all wonder what happens after death? Oh I need not wonder about it as you come to me after you die. You think that birth and death are destined, but I think otherwise. Your birth and death are not destined, but they are assigned; assigned by me – the Almighty. I have this peculiar habit of writing down everything that happens around me. My each and every day is like an episode. I am the sole writer present here in Hellven. Hellven – a place between heaven and hell – and thus I go by the pseudonym I have been given, of Blogger Almighty, as bloggers write!

I know! Human beings are strange!

I meet so many people in a day. My job is to take care of the western part of India and my largest client is Mumbai city. Each day so many people are born here and equal number of them die. I meet only those who are happy that they are dead (less work for me) and avoid those who don't want to be dead yet (they are a pain, trust me!).

I remember meeting one such interesting person – Duplicate. Sadly though, Duplicate came to me when he was 14. He died at such a young age – at the age when he might not even have thought of a life after death. He was all smiles after looking at his white and cleans robes. I would not blame him. All his life, he had lived in ragged clothes; thus our standard and boring robes were heaven for him. Humans!

Duplicate was full of curiosity and innocence. Something about him made me curious too to know about his life story. He started narrating:

It was a typical Mumbai monsoon evening when my mother went into labor. She did not have enough money to go to a private nursing home located at the end of the street where we had our hut on the Tulsi Pipe Road footpath. She was a poor beggar and lived off the food provided by those traveling in the swanky cars while the money was soaked up by dad’s liquor. She already had had four children before, but two of whom had died within one year of their birth So I was the latest one, to add to the species of beggars in the city.

My birth was the worst thing that must have happened to my mother physically. (Irony eh?) It was raining cats and dogs. Floods made the situation worse for us. There was traffic and chaos all around us. Mother could not go to any hospital and delivered me on the street under a big hoarding. The hoarding was that of a movie – Duplicate – thus the name. Mother died after a few hours of by my birth due to lack of medical attention. I don’t even know whether I had had her milk or not, but my attachment to her was nil (well except the cord) because she had given me this horrible life.

Since the time I remember, I always slept on a half empty stomach I rarely remember having a decent meal at night. I envied kids of my age who went to school and I started with small jobs, begging and sometimes stealing at the age of 7! My first ever brush with the cops was at 9. A failed pick-pocket attempt saw me getting beaten black and blue by the mob and then a night spent behind the bars. That one night in hell made me resolve not to commit any more crimes in my life.

I decided to earn a respectable life for myself. I enrolled in the local government school but the clerks demanded extra money for admission! You tell me, Blogger Almighty, how I could have afforded an extra thousand rupees?

My father was an alcoholic and used to be ill most of the the time. He hardly ever went to work, and lived off the meager earnings of my two sisters and I. My sisters used to work in the local factory manufacturing plastic dolls. They had to work long-hours, in a dim-lit small room along with 100 other girls. They soon contracted some skin disease. May be the plastic was poisonous. My sisters died of skin cancer at a young age, without any treatment.

I was 12 years when I met Ramlal, the local drug mafia. All of us were extremely afraid of him because he would befriend kids, give them some medicinal pills and take them away. They would never be seen again. He noticed me at the traffic signal and asked me to meet him the next day. I was trembling all throughout our meeting. I had made up my mind to tell him that I had resolved not to go down the dark alley of crimes ever in my life again. He asked me my problems and listened patiently. I was wondering why he took so much interest in my life.

I did not have to wait long to find out. In that dark room, He did God-forbidden things to me and my body. “You are a good-looking young boy,” he told me. “From now on, I shall pay for your education, so that you grow up to be a bright young man. But you must not tell about this to anyone”

But this promise was not to be kept. Ramlal died after a few months, of some dangerous disease. Nobody was willing to talk about the cause of his death.

My life as a footpath-dweller, child laborer and beggar continued. Slowly, my health deteriorated. I started getting fatigued easily. Finally, I decided to visit the local doctor. “Go to the health clinic tomorrow and get these tests done. Don’t worry, they will do it for free,” was his hurried advice after examining me. He behaved as if I had contracted some contagious germ.

After the test results, I knew why Ramlal died. I also knew that my end was nearing too. Ramlal had given me the virus which will kill me eventually and then, bring me to you.

After hearing his tragic story, I immediately knew that it was time for me to do something about it. Mankind has been continuing like this for ages now, and if serious strictures are not passed now, time is not far away when they will regret taking birth itself.

Thou Shall ensure free and quality medical treatment for all.
Thou Shall ensure that no mother dies during child birth because of lack of medical treatment.
Thou Shall ensure proper nutrition for all children and bring down infant mortality rate.
Thou shall ensure protection and preservation of the environment.
Thou shall ban plastic and all toxic, non-bio-degradable waste.
Thou shall ensure access to food for all.
Thou shall ensure free and quality education for all.
Thou shall not indulge in or encourage corruption.
Thou shall implement laws to prohibit child labor.
Thou shall bring in and strictly implement laws regarding sexual offenses .
Thou shall bring down HIV AIDS contamination through awareness and prevention.
Thou shall condemn substance abuse.

The Question

2010-06-12T02:01:00.000+05:30

She glanced towards me... A little scared, a little confused. I gave her an assuring smile that maybe boosted her confidence a little. She inched closer towards me locking her eyes with mine; piercing, inquiring... Nervously looking around, she spoke in a hushed voice...

"Beta Passbook update karke milega kya?"

A Non Fiction Post on Love - Love, then!

2010-05-31T00:36:00.002+05:30

This post has been published by me as a team member of Tiger Trails Team for the SUPER 6 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event in the history of blogging world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

Love, then!

It had been a tough day indeed. One of my friends had had the worst break up of his life. The walk home from college had got me thinking about this interested but complicated thing called love. What is love? Where do you find it? How do you keep it? It was buzzing in my brain all the time. Frankly speaking, I've never been in love. So I find it amusing when people do foolish things for foolish reasons in the same of this huge phenomenon called love. But has love changed over the ages? Was it so complicated in the past too? Was there so much competition as now?

I guess I'll have to experience it before I jump to further conclusions. Thinking of all the dumping and drinking and crying (in that order!) I never realised when I reached home. After a quick wash I slumped into a garden chair opposite my grandfather.

"Hey Grandpa", I quipped. My grandpa, a very cool and hip dude, replied with a modest and loving "Hello Beta"

I'd just been back from college and and it was my chat time with my grandpa. Now now, no need to raise your eyebrows. As I said earlier, my grandfather is a very cool and hip dude. He is not like the usual grandfathers. In fact I take him as one of my best friends. He is very modern and open to any type of conversation.

"So how was your day?", he inquired.

"Oh Don't ask! Manish's girlfriend broke up with him. AGAIN! It was quite an effort trying to bring him back to normal", I retorted, irritated.

"Whats with you guys and breaking up all the time? I fail to understand your ability to break up with so much ease. If I was in your place, I'd be scared beyond death to fall in love ever again."

Then began a discussion on love during the time of Grandpa.

"I was about 22 when I first saw a girl in my college. Now thats about 50 years back. So its a long time back. If you think I may not remember the details, let me tell you I remember everything vividly. College has just started and I was quite enjoying the whole experience. I had made a good deal of friends. So the daily activities never seemed to cease and there was never a boring moment. Coming from a lower middle class family, I hadn't talked to girls other than my cousins. And then I met this girl. She was in my college. In my class. I had caught her staring at me a few times. Maybe I was just imagining because she rarely lifted her eyes off the ground."

I didn't ask for her number straightaway. I didn't stalk her to her home.I didn't beg her for coffee. I didn't offer her lifts. Neither did I ask her friends to set me up with her.

"I inquired about the girl among my friends and soon the teasing started. All my friends would go 'hhhmmmmmmmm' whenever she walked into the class but she never even flinched as such a little. I had never talked to her, nor did I plan to. I didn't mind staring at her beautiful face during lunch breaks or just knowing that she was near me during college trips. Sometimes we made eye contact but that too lasted for merely a fraction of a second. It was six months now since we had known each other 'indirectly'. She had begun smiling now when I was around. I would look at her only for a moment to see that smile and the rest of my day would be perfect. Maybe this was the beginning of something very beautiful."

I didn't gift her flowers and chocolates. I didn't take her to swanky hotels and pubs. I didn't give her balloons and huge soft toys. Neither did we smooch in parks and theaters.

"We already knew we were in love with each other. But what was love without marriage? In our times being in love was a sin, but being married was a blessing. Now this was a tough job for me. I being the man, I had to ask her first. Fortunately it was her birthday. College was almost over. I decided to pop the question. In the times of arranged marriages, just asking a girl about marriage was enough to set tongues wagging. But I had decided it was now or never. I went up to her and told her about my feelings. At first I couldn't hear her reply maybe because my heart was thumping too loudly. But she finally did confessed her feelings towards me, her eyes all the time boring deep into the ground. But I needed to talk to her parents first. All I wanted to hear was that. I completed the rest of my college and got busy searching a job. Once I got that I went to her parents and asked for her hand."

I didn't tattoo her name on parts of my body. Neither did she ask me to run her away and get married. There was no premarital sex. Hell there was no contact of any sort at all. There were no expensive gifts to impress. Neither were there mushy words to express. Sometimes we didn't talk for weeks. We did not have free phone call plans.

"What we had was patience.Maybe that is what your generation lacks these days. You want everything hard and fast. But you, My boy have to realize that it may always not be possible. You see love comes to those who wait."

This last piece of advice struck me like a gong. It indeed was true. While I got thinking about it, Grandma gave us a call for dinner. We looked at each other, smiling, thinking about the woman we had been talking about for so long and retired to the dining room.

The Reward

2010-05-29T22:49:00.000+05:30

The sun shone brightly on a sunny summer morning. It was a special day indeed for Nathuram. After all, his paintings were on display at the National museum. The great Raja of Tanjore was going to visit the place. There was a rumor that he was on a lookout for artifacts and paintings to adorn the new palace he had recently built for his Rani. Nathuram was excited and nervous at the same time. One look at him and you could conclude that he could be anything but a painter. You see Nathuram was not an average guy. He had no hands. He painted with his mouth and legs. People would be amazed by the talent he had and the great art he put out. It seemed highly impossible to differentiate between his paintings and the regular 'hand-made' ones.

He was lost in his thoughts when the sound of horns and drums rolls announced the arrival of the Raja. It was fantastic show put together. The Raja arrived on Elephant sitting on a gold adorned palanquin swaying delicately along with the swagger of the elephant. He threw a lavish look at the people gathered to see him and alighted from the elephant. After the Aarti ceremony he declared the exhibition open. There were various artists from all over the region, Sculptors, painters, dancer, singers and so on. The Raja took turns to enjoy the performances of each and everyone. Some were handsomely rewarded, while some were given a few mohurs. The Raja made sure no one went back empty handed.

Later was the art exhibition. The Raja wandered the area where all paintings were displayed and took deep interest in each and every one of them. He even allowed the artists to explain the use of certain colors and lines. He spent a lot of time to indulge in the details, rewarding the painters handsomely. Then came Nathu's turn. He was almost shivering when the Raja came to his plaque. He stood engrossed in the painting for a few minutes, then looked at Nathu, and then again observed the painting for a few minutes. Soon his face curved into a bright smile. He grabbed Nathu by the shoulders and almost hugged him.

"This was the painting I was looking for in my master bedroom. The queen is going to be pleased to have this. I am ready to pay any amount of money to own this one." Nathu's joy knew no bounds. He was almost teary-eyed. "Malik", he said. Who am I to value this? I'm glad enough that you like it. No honor is greater. The Raja, further pleased due to the appreciation, whispered to a servant and he came back with a huge bag of mohurs.

The Raja, just like any other royalty prided himself on being the most generous. He did not want to be outdone by other neighboring kings. “I wish to reward you the highest reward you can get. Tell me what did you get for the last piece of art you delivered? I will give you something much more than that.”

A little amused, Nathu said, “I pray do not do as you say Sire. I would rather not have anything at all.”

The Raja a bit curious now inquired, “Why? What did you work on before you did this painting?”

Nathu standing fixated, his eyes focused on the horizon replied, "The Taj Mahal"

Rumor has it that Shah Jahan had the hands of all the artisans cut off so that they could never replicate the Taj Mahal ever again. This was the reward the people got for helping create one of the wonders of the world.

Worship

2010-05-22T20:19:00.000+05:30

We worship idols.

We worship frames.

We worship places.

We worship names.

We worship trees.

We worship fruits.

We worship animals.

We worship roots.

We worship the ocean.

We worship rivers.

We worship our cars.

When they're delivered.

We worship people.

We worship saints.

We worship money.

We worship grains.

We worship the whole damn world

Before we die.

Then why is the worship of parents

That we deny?

Hadippa? Really?

2010-05-18T22:03:00.000+05:30

We come from the land of bollywood, where goons are killed with a mere verbal "dhishkyaon" while heroes travel across continents will a bullet in their skulls. Where a heroine is saved at the end no matter what and the hero ki Maa has tears as standard accesories.

In bollywood music plays a major part in the movie. There have been instances when a movie has been woven around the songs. Sadly gone are the days of sensible melodies. We rarely even listen to the actual words of songs these days. All we like is the moojic. Every song has a remix made to prove it's popularity. I fear soon there will be a time when bollywood will be ruled by trance music having just a groovy beat and no words at all.

To prove my point further, I give the example of the following song.

Dil Bole Hadippa!

This happens to be a song from a film of the same name that bombed at the box office. That was bound to happen considering the fact that Rani Mukherjee was trying to pull a la Bhuvan in the Lagaan-sque movie. What puzzled me more was the title track. I played it once, and then again, and then again. I just couldn't find something sensible in it. So I went to Googlebaba and asked the meaning of the lyrics. (Googlebaba knows everything.)

Soon enough I found a link.

Here is the meaning of the song. (it touched me heart.)

Duniya Firangi Syappa Hai

The world is a crazy, crazy place

Fikar Hi Gum Ka Papa Hai

Where worry is the root of all troubles

Apna To Bas Yeh Jaapa Hai

That's why we believe

Fikar Karein Fukarey

Only the silly worry

Chewing Gum Hai Chabbi Ja

Life's a chewing gum, just keep chewing

Hand Pump Hai Dabbi Ja

Life's a hand pump, just keep pumping

Life Ka Joosa Kaddi Ja

Squeeze the last drop out of life

Fikar Karein Fukarey - 2

And leave the worrying to the silly

Khush Rehne Ka Nahin Lagda Koi Tax O Rabba

There's no tax on happiness

Oye Bhool Fikraa Hai Jigraa

So forget your worries, show some heart

Toh Sang Mere Bol Hadippa - 4

And shout out Hadippa!

Kothi Na Maal Hadippa

No mansion and no money

Na Gore Gaal Hadippa

Not even your beauty

Nahin Jaaney Tere Naal Chahe Kitna Sambhaal

is going to the grave with you

Chhadd Mitti Daal Hadippa - 2

So dump the thought

Khushiyaan Tu Weh Char Le

Gobble up all your joys

Hath Dono Weh Bhar Le

With both hands

Khabba Ho Ya Sajja

The right and the left

Oye Bhool Fikraa Hai Jigraa

Toh Sang Mere Bol Hadippa - 4

Nazron Se Bol Hadippa

Let your eyes give it all away

Koi Jo Kol Hadippa

When you're with somebody special

Kari Zyaada Gol Mol, Teri Khul Jaani Pol

Play games and you'll be exposed

Yeh Dil Ka Dhol Hadippa - 2

By the drumbeat of your heart

Derby Ho Ya Dhaka

In Derby or in Dhaka

Rab Tera Ho Raakha

God will watch out for you

Padne De Tu Tippa

If you go with your instinct

Oye Bhool Fikraa Hai Jigraa

Toh Sang Mere Bol Hadippa – 4

If there really is a God, he should prove himself by sending us some real good songwriters!

55 Fiction #13

2010-05-07T22:54:00.003+05:30

He once used to zip past in chartered planes and luxury yachts. Secretly owned properties in prime locations. Now he lives in a 2bhk flat and drives a Maruti 800 gifted by his father-in-law.

Its amazing the changes an RTI Application may bring.

55 Fiction #12

2010-05-03T18:18:00.006+05:30

A cold shiver ran down his spine. He stared at the killer, fast asleep. The local government had announced a reward on the killer's head. His hands groped the darkness for his camping knife. A swift stab at the neck would do it. "But is it necessary? Afterall there are only 1141 of them left."

Escape

2010-05-01T00:30:00.000+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 10; the tenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

He sighed as he looked outside through the window of his cell. He could see the sun setting past the mountains spreading a hue impossible to create by mixing any kinds of paints on a canvas. He enjoyed this sight everyday before settling down in his dark, dinghy cell.

He had become used to the fact that he was gonna be here for a long time. Bribing, unlawful possession of secret military documents, underworld links, extortion, murder etc etc... The list went on. It was not easy being on the run all the time. The cops were chasing him and so were the crooks. He had almost pulled off what could be the biggest scam of all time in history. If only the drunk cop hadn't squeaked...

There was a time when he was all invincible. He knew the people and places. No one would dare mess with him. He kept a detailed record of everyone in the business. But it seems time has betrayed him. He lost many of his loyal men one after the other. People who he kept "Happy" were getting their share of Happiness from other places. His enemies had become all the more powerful. Besides the Police were reluctant to protect him. His family had deserted him. Maybe he saw himself in the setting sun.

At times the inmates would talk about freedom and escape. They would let their imagination run wild about the things they'd do if they escaped. Some even tried to make plans to escape sometimes. Most of these were loose shots in the air. One day a young lad planned a way to escape. It seemed foolproof. He started hunting for partners to assist him. Soon the lad came to him and asked whether he wanted to escape.

He thought for a long time. About his family who din care any more. About his friends who had turned their backs on him. About his men who were either dead or in prison. About his enemies who were after his blood. About the cops who were waiting to squeeze secrets out of him.

He let a long sigh and said "No. This prison IS my escape"

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Tagged again

2010-04-26T18:33:00.000+05:30

I was tagged by SivArchana of Yemiledu a long time back. The time has come to untag myself from it.

1. What is your current obsession?
A.Playing the keyboard… Learning fast. Now ppl can recognize the songs I’m playing!

2. What are you wearing today?
A. A smile

3. What’s for dinner?
A. *shouts to the kitchen
Some ummm curry kinda stuff.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
A. Dog soap

5. What are you listening to right now?
A. A drunk friend telling me his love story for the gazillionth time.

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
A. Shez ma bling bling gal… And I feel she looks like Anita the Psychic

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
A. On any of my blogger friend’s farm

8.One thing you wanna change about yourself ?
A. I rock the way I am! (Maybe I shouldn’t be very modest)

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
A. Some game drome or Diamond Cyber café in Pune

10. Which language do you want to learn?
A. All the south ones. Coz I hate it when I don’t understand what Raksha, Shruthi, Karthik etc are saying on Facebook half of the time

11. What’s your favourite quote?
A. “I’m bad at recollecting quotes” - Saurabh

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
A. All my blog buddies. All at the same time

13. What is your favourite colour?
A. Black and White

14. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
A. No such tips work for me… In fact I could work for tips

15. What is your dream job?
A. Seriously speaking… One that gives me chance to interact with ppl and help them and also one that pays good, but in not monotonous. (plz don’t suggest BPO)

16. What’s your favorite magazine?
A. I got only India Today coming to my house. But I got a cool Reebok sunglasses with a 5 year subscription. So I likie!

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
A. Digicam

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
A. I’m not answering any questions which have the word Fashion in them

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
A. Again seriously?

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
A. Minimum Hair… Maximum Impact

21. What are you going to do after this?
A. Reply to some mails from my distressed fans who need advice from me in order to survive

22. What are your favourite movies?
A. Shawshank, Seabiscuit, Taken, RDB, Khosla, that’s all I can think now

23. What inspires you?
A. Multitasking ppl who do a good job of it.

24. What do your friends call you most commonly?
A. Saurabh, Saurya, Optobh, Zorro, Sauru. I don’t mind unless they are creditors

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
A. Petrol if you may. Then coffee (Now don’t start that substance abuse stuff)

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
A. Play the keyboard, Forward stupid sms, shower. (If I’m terrible depressed, I do all the 3 at once)

27. What makes you go wild?
A. Good Wild – Gang of friends planning stuff
Bad Wild – When people ditch the above plans for stupid reasons

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
A. The ones which I publicly follow

29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
A. This is a tricky question yaar! Well it has to be Sitafal Rabdi

30. How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
A. Ha ha! Gotcha! I’m typing this on word right now. And when I’l be posting it, I’m not gonna edit it just for the sake of this question

31. Favorite Season?
A. Season 2 of the Big Bang Theory

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
A. Something better than Burnt Onions! LOL
Well I cook lots of stuff these days provided I am given my weapon of choice - The Microwave! Pizza, Pasta, Noodles, Chicken, Paneer Tikka (That’s my special)

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
A. Ignore… They’ll be hurt to know that you don’t care. Or maybe kill them with a kitchen knife.

34. What are you afraid of the most?
A. That no one will leave comments on my blog! (I don’t think it’ll happen tho… I even got comments for a blank post!)

35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
A. I looked at the mirror 3 days back and realized that the hour-long morning walk is not helping much

36. What brings a smile on your face instantly?
A. When people give me credit for stuff. When people acknowledge the support that I give them. In short when I get praised!

And also a look at my Labrador. Shez very funny and always ready to play

37. A word that you say a lot?
A. Never Mind

38.One wish that you really want to see it come true?
A. Changing the course of life of at least one human being in a good way.

I tag all my followers to take this up. It will help me know you better. When you're done with it, kindly leave a link in the comments.
Rules for those who are tagged:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.
[Break the rules if you want but do Answer all ;~)]
Note-Copy and paste this into your notes, delete mine and type in your answers and tag your friends to answer this.

Birthday Wish for Karthik

2010-04-24T00:26:00.001+05:30

Hey ppl… Its birthday time! Today happens to be Karthik’s birthday. He being one of the first ones to comment on my blog, I feel it is my duty to make his birthday special!

Now I go on and say some good stuff about the birthday boy: Karthik is a very cool dude. He is a terrific blogger and his stories are enjoyed thoroughly by the readers. He writes such great fiction, that many people have suggested him to write a book! He has a very rich vocab and a penchant for writing.

I’m sure you guys have read some Chuck Norris jokes or some Rajnikant jokes. Likewise I’ve prepared a list of facts about our dear Karthik!

He hates twitter. 140 characters are never enough for him. 140 pages is more kinda his style.
He hates SMS. Imagine people getting charged for every 160 characters. Karthik could be bankrupt by now.
He didn’t score full marks in exams coz he never attempted the objective questions. He always prefers the long answers.
He barely passed in the language exams coz he spent the whole 3 hours writing the story which could give him only 10 marks. (he needed extra pages though)
He writes such awesome fiction that Movie producers want to get ‘inspired’ from his stories.
Movies based on Karthik’s stories can be screened only in India coz there is no way that they will end before 3 hours.
Karthik was once asked to write a precis of a paragraph. It turns out the precis was thrice that of the original paragraph.
Karthik gives so much attention to details that, once when someone asked him “How was your day?”, it took him 2 more days to tell the guy.
Aamir Khan studies Karthik’s method for researching for his blog, in order to research for his movies. In fact Karthik IS the Aamir Khan of Bloggiwood.
Karthik is gonna frown when he reads this coz it aint even 2 pages long.
Karthik doesn’t believe in 55 fictions. He doesn’t write any, but if he has to read some on his blogroll, he clubs together hundreds of 55fictions and reads them at a time.

Sorry dude I’m just screwing with you… Let me publicly announce that I totally love your stories and I hope that you become a bestselling writer someday. You already are a bestselling blogger. Herez wishing you the bestest birthday ever, God bless!

Others are requested to contribute to the Karthik List too...

The one where I become a girlfriend.

2010-04-23T15:24:00.000+05:30

Yup you read it right... I've not made a typo while wanting to write "I HAVE a girlfriend."

But before that have you met the Gulab Jamun Gal?

So here goes... The GJ Gal has this gang of giggling girls (alliteration!). Amongst them, shez got a best friend. Lets call her the The Choco Gal (I guess I like calling gals with food names. No matter how angry you are, you end up calling them sweetly). Usually GJG and Choco Gal are all yackety yak yak yak all the time talking about everything under the sun. Its almost impossible to imagine the amount of stuff they can speak through their teeny weeny mouths. Add to that the 'aankhon ke ishaare' conversations that they indulge in when they meet. It is as if they were created by god to give an opinion on everything and everyone.

Unfortunately (for me) it was not to last. Some days back the Choco gal got hitched with a guy from her college. We all are like Yay! Finally she got a bakra to give her lifts, and pay her bills (thats what boyfriends do right?) Everyonez happy happy about the whole thing. But soon the cloud begins to lift. Choco Gal is with the Bakra all the time and GJ Gal has no one to talk to. The gossip pressure is building up inside her and she can't wait no more.

That is when I received a sms from her. "Shoaib Malik is giving an interview on the news. Looking kind of cute."

Me thinks W00T? Shoaib? Cute? Why is she using these words while talking to me? I really wanted to give a fitting reply but I just couldn't even lie and say something like "Sania looks HAWT"

So I replied with a typical guyz kinda reply "Hez so dumb! Whats wrong with you gals anyways?"

And then she goes on to describe his nose and his sherwani and other stuff that would make me puke if I hadn't been starving all day. I went crazy thinking about whats wrong with her. More like whats wrong with me that she is talking to me like this.

Some days later I get a sms "Vijay Mallya is such dude." I reply "Yeah and he owns BOOZE!" She replies back "Hez kinda cute and nice cheeks." Now I'm freaking out. WHAT THE EFF does "CUTE" mean? I've never been able to decode this particular term my whole life. And what is she talking all this "cute" stuff with me?

So I decide to ask her "What is going on here? Why are you talking as if I'm your girlfriend?"

She: What can I do? Choco Gal is busy and you are the only one who is all ears (forcibly)

I think this could be fun to mess around with...

Me: So now that we're girlfriends, what are we supposed to talk about ? Lip Gloss? Hand Bags? Stilettos? (No cursing in the comments about this please)

She: Well lets talk about the dark spots on my face. What cream do I use?

Me: You can use some black paint. That way the spots will be camouflaged!

She: Shut up! I want to get rid of them.

Me: My net is down. Nahi to I'd have forwarded you all the beauty tips available!

She: Thanks Girlfriend! (emphasizing on the gf part) I think I like my new gf more!

Me: I dunno whether I should take this as a compliment or strangle myself.

She: Of course its a compliment. You're discovering your feminine side.

Me: W00T? I don't want no feminine side!

And on and on it went...

I'm seriously begun to doubt who the Bakra is in this case but I'm praying the Choco Gal gets back to her networking soon enough.

Coz I don't want to start my day with messages that read "Hey my girlie! Watcha doin?" To which the most I can do is blurt a "Hey sista!"

55-er "Regret" #11

2010-04-11T12:06:00.001+05:30

She could feel pangs of regret hitting her. How could she let him do it to her? She’d failed to notice the smirk on his face. Now she was reduced to a pool of teary embarrassment. Her friends stared suspiciously. She shouldn’t have asked for TEEKHA Pani Puri in the first place.

PS: The blog has reached the 50 followers benchmark... It seems I've begun to make some sense now :-)

Atithi... Tum Devo Bhava!

2010-04-02T21:29:00.000+05:30

There are some things in life that happen unexpectedly and you feel lucky enough that you could witness them. I was witness to one such thing.

My parents are planning to go one a religious tour in the month of May. So I was told to go to the reservation counter to get tickets for them. I was at first put off by the whole ordeal but studying in a college in Pune, I'd got very well used to the concept of standing in lines for ages. In college we used to stand in lines for everything... Getting the form, Submitting the form, attesting documents, paying fees, getting the library card, getting the ID card, getting the Report card etc etc...

So I'd prepared myself for the long wait. Surprisingly, when I reached the place, there was not a soul in sight. I was wondering whether I had come to the right place when the guy from beyond the counter called out to me. He asked me whether I'd come for a reservation to which I said Yes and went towards him. Frankly speaking I was not expecting such kind of hospitality from a govt. employee coz we rarely see some of his kind these days.

I once went to a bank where they had a strange way of giving direction by pointing noses towards the counter. If you asked for a certain person they'd just turn their head toward a certain direction and tell me to go over there. I'd have understood that their hands were tied up with work I could see but one of their hand was busy holding a cup of tea. Why can't you tell me the friggin counter number? Reminds me of those Pointer dogs that I saw in cartoons... (The ones that go TOINGGGG!)

So back to the reservation counter... This fellow asks me in detail where I want to go and further goes on to tell me the fares and answers all my stupid questions with utmost patience. Now its really freaking me out. C mon man... I'm not used to this stuff. He is supposed to make random noises, spit some paan, take breaks and do all the stuff that people of his type love to do. I continued eying him suspiciously...

Just then this Firangi guy (am I being a racist here?) comes for some inquiry. He wanted to know the times of the train to a nearby hill station. To my utter bewilderment the railway karmachari starts referring to books and schedules and gives the correct info to the Atithi! I'm staring with disbelief, unable to breathe, blink or do anything else. Further the firangi asks for change and hands over a 1000 Rs. note. Railway babu gives him all possible denominations and even asks me if I have 2 fifties. Now I'm almost choking wondering whats wrong with him. Reminds me of the Good Day advert about the railway station. I check around his table but there are no Good Day packets around. Its early in the morning and this guy has given up all his change. The firangi thanks him and does the 'namaskar' thing that they like to do to 'get in'.

Now I'm staring at the railway guy with a wicked look. Coz now if I (son of the soil) don't get change with my tickets, all hell is gonna break lose! But it was not to happen... He digs deep into his pocket and comes up with the change. I thank him with a sweet smile and wonder if I should tell him that I'm gonna write about him...

Concluding the post by repeating the first line...

"There are some things in life that happen unexpectedly and you feel lucky enough that you could witness them"

Kya yeh Mamata ki Mamata hai?

Lets see what comments a blank post gets...

2010-03-25T20:15:00.000+05:30

Ta Da! Thats It!

Questions Unanswered #1

2010-03-21T16:36:00.001+05:30

I started this blog not to show the world how smart I am (or maybe not). I started blogging so that I could interact with lotsa different kinds of people and get their different views on various subjects.

It amazes me how different people interpret different situations according to stuff that has happened to them in the past. So I'm writing a forum type post today. Here goes...

Guys, living in India, we cannot imagine life without religion and various religious practices. We have heard of people committing heinous sins and going off to religious places to wash them off. Its believed that a dip in the Holy Ganges will wash you off you sins etc etc. People travel long distances to such places to cleanse themselves.

Now we've heard that the access roads to such places are very dangerous and the journeys, tedious. Often we read in newspapers that tourist vehicles meet with fatal accident while on such religious journeys where pilgrims die in large numbers. Recently there was a stampede in a temple which lead to the death of many people.

So now I wonder... Would they be alive if they din leave home at all?

Is this some way by which God punishes them?

If they are totally cleansed, why weren't they let to live to commit more sins (or to live a normal life)?

Well I'm hoping to get many answers from the blogosphere... You may comment on the topic or even on the following comments.

And I'd be mighty thankful if you forwarded the link to people who you think would be interested to answer this too...

Popti - The Harvest Festival of........ errrr....... Roha

2010-03-17T23:27:00.001+05:30

I happen to live in a tiny town called Roha which is close to the coast of Maharashtra, India. Now every region has a special something about it that defines it and makes it famous. Considering the fact that majority of Indian population depends on agriculture (I hope I’m not sounding like my economics textbook!) it is obvious that the season of harvest is much awaited. Now just as every region has a Harvest Festival, we in Roha celebrate a party known as “Popti.” (It feels so weird while writing over here in English. I’d never imagined that the concept of Popti would be written about on the internet.” It’s just the cool stuff that we village ppl do! Yay!

Today I take pride in introducing to my global blogger friends the awesome thing that is… Popti. So here is how it goes. Basically it is the celebration of the harvest of beans that we call ‘Vaal’. I really don’t know what its botanical name is ;-)

This is what you need:

From Stuff I Learnt Today

Some rock salt

From Stuff I Learnt Today

Leaves of this plant called ‘Bhambrut’. The leaves are velvety and the juice has medicinal properties too.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

The main stuff… The Beans
Plus you’ll need onions, potatoes, eggs, chicken and chilly powder.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

First you line an earthen pot with the leaves and put a layer of the beans in it.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

Sprinkle some salt over it. You can place onions and potatoes filled with chilly powder in between

From Stuff I Learnt Today

Then go the eggs and the chicken pieces (optional)

From Stuff I Learnt Today

The pot is further stuffed with the leaves up to its neck. Then it is place in fire usually created by lighting the dry leaves and wood in and around the farm.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

This is done for about half an hour.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

The pot is then removed from the fire and then kept for few minutes (Standing Time)

From Stuff I Learnt Today

The whole contents of the pot are emptied into a bowl after removing and discarding the leaves.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

The leaves impart a great and different flavor to the whole thing and even without fancy ingredients it gets a sensational taste.
I guess I don’t need to tell you how to eat it! SO TUCK IN!

This post is dedicated to my good friend Shilpa. Poor dear does not have net access at her hostel. So she goes to a net-cafe, copies all the stuff that I write about, and then reads it when she gets back. Now ain't that sweet?

Plus as she cannot comment on the blog, she cares to sms me the thoughts on each and every post. Thank you Shilpa! I owed you this one.

PS: Shilpa loves Popti and so THIS post is dedicated to her!

PPS: Guys say Hi to Shilpa...

Daya darwaza...

2010-03-15T16:03:00.000+05:30

Recently I’ve been getting these crazy SMSs related to CID the supposedly thrilling crime series which plays on Sony. I dunno whats with the Sony guys coz whenever I see the Program schedule on my Tata Sky (btw Tata Sky is awesome and I hope they send me some money for this), most of the slots are filled with CID! It plays right from 2 pm to 7 pm only to give way to a different program called CID Classics which goes on for an hour kinda.

I mean I know that Sony is a very popular channel and CID may have been its most successful running series in the history of the channel, but OMG more than 6 hours of daily constant interrogating would even make ACP Pradyuman weak!

I’ve never been a fan of CID much. But now I watch it just to make comments on every aspect. Its so much fun! I even have friends who would let go of a free drinking session if it came in the CID time slot! Lately I’ve been learning that the makers of CID are being inspired by Sooraj Barjatiya coz they are trying to insert every possible genre into the series. Crime, Thriller is okay… But now you got Sci-Fi, Romance, Mythology and everything else under the sun! Its even got a facebook page named “Daya Darwaza tod do”

Coming back to the post, I must confess that I’ve been watching CID recently just to get hold of some of the silly shayaris that are sent to me. I may even invent some of my own but I fear Daya will Tod my Darwaza and the ACP will grill me!

Here are some-

Mere ghar ke peechhe se beheta ek naala hai, ABHIJEET daal mein jaroor kuch kaala hai!
Thande Thande paani se nahana chahiye… DAYA hame us jagah par aur ek baar jaana chahiye
5 Rs. Ka ek samosa, 10 Rs. Ke do, ACP kehte hai DAYA Darwaza to do.
Ye haseen vadiyaan ye khula aakaash… OH MY GOD ABHIJEET ek aur laash!
Gaay ko angrezi mein kehte hai cow, Kuch to baat hai DAYA pata lagao
Aasman mein chamakte Chand taaron… Daya saari Mumbai Chhaan maro!
Mehnat ka paseena sir se na pocho… ACP kehte hai Socho DAYA socho.
Aaj kal CID ki shayari ka keher hai, Salunkhe says "Maut ka karan zeher hai."
Shaam ho gayi, Suraj Dhal gaya.... Daya, Quatil ka pata chal gaya!
Kaamgaar pathhar jor jor so phodta hai... Khooni kitna bhi chalakh ho, Surag jaroor chodta hai!
Paisa jiska hai, item uski hai... Salunkhe pata lagao ye fingerprint kiski hai.

Okay I agree that some of these are pretty lame but you have to admit that the fan following of CID is absolutely crazy! Reader are invited to post more of these kinda shayaris in the comments (only CID related)

And if anyone knows someone who works on the CID crew, please keep me anonymous otherwise the next episode will be “Case of the missing Blogger”

My Sincere apologies to ACP and DAYA (Just in case they follow this blog secretly). I must say you guys are doing a great job!

PS: I can’t go on bashing CID just for the sake of it. There are some points which are commendable too. E.g. the story of the episode ends with the episode. Therez no ‘to be continued’ I simply hate those who keep a crime series going on just because they want the viewers to come back.

CID rocks coz the CID ppl know that no matter what, people are gonna come back for more and more and more!

Time Travel

2010-03-06T00:31:00.000+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

He watched the lifeless form of his wife being cremated. He wanted to go back in time to repair every mistake. He hadn't thought about it then, drunk and frustrated. Now a huge lump had formed in his throat. His wife had got punished for his mistake. If only he had used protection.

With this 55-er I'd like to bring to notice that many 'loyal' women get infected with HIV by their husbands unknowingly. What is worse is the fact that their character is doubted when the tests show +ve. They end up losing their lives and honour for the sake of their men.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Another 55-er Gosh I need to start numbering them #9

2010-02-27T12:10:00.001+05:30

He stared at his shivering hands. Finally he had killed the SOB. A clean kill. He fixed himself a stiff scotch and took a gulp. In his world people are known by the number of kills achieved. He’d soon have an established business now.

“Acme Stray Dog Exterminator Services”

Poore Bachpan - 55-er - Marathon #8

2010-02-17T11:33:00.001+05:30

He woke up in a hospital bed. Alive. He couldn't believe it. He was not dead after all. He could remember returning from practice and a bike coming from the wrong side. Relieved that he could still run the marathon, his dream, he tried getting up but froze. He couldn't feel his legs.

PS: This one just struck me outta the blue while I was studying economics. As per instructions from @Sorcerer I just saved it in my cell, but couldn't wait to post it. So this is like my mostest fastest post from the conceptualizing -----> publishing point of view. Why am I typing this rubbish? Coz I don wanna go back to study economics!

I just realized that blogging aint gonna help me score marks in my exam which starts TOMORROW! So I better get back to study. Thanks to all the people who'll comment wishing me luck for the exams... I guess I'll be outta blogsville for a while but I'll surely be reading your stuff through Google Reader...

OMG I can't think of anything else to write... It means they'll be taking me back! My time is over! ECONOMICS........ Here I come!

*Quickly rechecks the word count just in case some of the #blog_vultures are prying!

Bluddy Typo

2010-02-09T01:02:00.000+05:30

Heya Ppl. Long time since my last post. Just been busy with my college programs and class tests. Going through *THAT* phase of my life. Yeah... The exam preparation one!

Anyways here is an incident I wanna share with you guys. In 2009 I'd appeared for an exam held by Bank of India for Clerical Post.

All the people who rolled their eyes at '2009', chillax. Its not that I'm blogging too late about this thing, I just had a ummmm an oath let say. We'll come to that later.
All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Bank', chillax. I don't plan to stay in the banking business all my life.I just had to show the people around me that I was not totally useless (I can be used as a bad example!)
All the people who rolled their eyes at 'Clerical', chillax. What did you expect? You can't become a branch manager directly by giving exams! Steps of the ladder you see...

Back to the topic... So after giving this exam I'd totally forgotten about it and din even remember to check the result. One fine lucky day I got this letter from the Bank saying that I've been selected for the Interview round and I was like W00t? Really? This must be easy that! Being Happy happy, I went about telling people that I've been selected for the interview to which most of them replied in the sarcastic tone ever "Clerical hi hai na?.... Then thik hai" Idiots! half of them have been bluddy unemployed for most of their lives!

Then came to interview thingie which I was quite confident about. The panel was great. They were interested in my blogging too. They even asked me whether I will blog about my interview experience to which I promptly replied in the positive, hoping they'd at least gimme the job trying to get featured on my AweSome blog!

*I see the '2009' people rolling their eyes again. I said I'l come back to it.

Anyways again coming back to the topic. I finished my interview and came back home like a cow comes back to the shed in the evening. Soon after the interview thing was long forgotten.

Just a week back I happened to check the website of the Bank and was I surprised to see my name amongst the selected candidates. It was a gr8 surprise for me and the family. Our family has so many bankers, that if we owned a bank, we'd not need other employees at all!

So everything settled, I decided to inform all my friends and family (especially the jobless losers who are jobless most of the time and losers the remaining time)

So typed a msg and sent it to my sis

"Hey wudup? Guess what... I cleared the bank thing"

After a few minutes she replied

"Hey thats so great! You cleared the audition too?"

me: (thinking Audition = Interview): Yes of course. The panel was sweet!

She: Oh this is so great! I gotta tell all my friends, my bro is such a Rockstar!"

Me: (wondering with a big aaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg? Whats with her? Is this the first time someone is getting a govt job in this company/) Ya Ya... Sure Sure.

She: So when is your gig? Wherez you playing next?

Me: (Bigger AAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG?) What you talking about? You talking to me na?

She: Whenz you're band gonna play? and where? I want passes haaaaaa.... For all my friends.

Me: Band? What Band? I got a job in a BANK! The only band there is the rubber band to keep the notes together!

She: Thats what you told me! Dumbo! Next time watch what you send...

It was then that I check my outbox. While sending the first msg, I committed a typo that ruined my day. Wrote BAND instead of BANK. Due to which my sis thought I had participated in so band contest and had cleared it. I picked up the cell again.

Me: Oops sorry. My bad! But thanks for ruining it for me. Now everytime I tell anyone, I get reminded that it'd been lot more cooler if I'd given a band audition!

She: Oh Buzz off! Imagine what I'l go through when my 'free pass" friends will come to know that my bro is in a bank and not a band! And BTW, get me something decent from your first salary.

--------------------------------------

Typos are becoming a part of life these days. especially when you're using predictive text on your phone.

I sent a similar msg to a friend who is a little too smart and just loves to look me down.

"Dude I got selected"

He replied with "Oh man that's so sad. But its OK dude. Everyone can't pass that thing"

After checking I found that "selected" and "rejected" are written with the same set of keys on the phone.

To this date he is not ready to accept that I have passed!

--------------------------------------

CREDITS:

Archana (the bling bling diamond gal): for kicking my laziness out and making me write this.
The Bank of India Interview Panel: It will be a pleasure working with you guys. I had promised you, I'l write about you, and here it is! Keep up the good work Sirs.
The BSNL Guys: After about 2 hours of mindless non sense DCs, finally there is connectivity when I need to post! (I almost debited you)

Now me being a banker, can't credit everything. Have to debit stuff to keep the balance!

DEBITS:

The loojers who think they'll be given jobs at higher posts directly.
The smartie in whose face I'l have to slam my appointment letter so that he finally believes that I made it!

PS: Oops... Almost forgot about the oath. Well this post had struck me a long time back. And I was planning to post it during the interview period. But I was apprehensive of the fact that people would ask me finally about my result. So I decided to publish this post only after the result and only if I passed coz it would suck to tell every other commentator that I failed.

Conversation

2010-01-29T07:09:00.000+05:30

This is the conversation I had with my blog friend Archana...

me: so how was your day?

Archana: gud but quiteee busy yaar with my application process

me: oh ya
amrika!

Archana: hahaha
I donno
trust me if they reject my application
i will stop studying
and try to become a full time writer

haha :P

I will sell all my dad's property to publish those books that no one will ever buy

hey how is my plan?

me: gr8
I'l buy them!
surely!

Archana: hehe
I will gift u

me: I was talking about the properties! *tilt tilt tilt*
this is going to my blog

Poore Bachpan - Fiction 55 #7

2010-01-22T07:24:00.002+05:30

After 25 years as a driver, John finally retired and bought his own taxi. On his first day on the job this customer tapped his shoulder to ask him a place. John freaked out so much that he swerved and hit a tree. Who could blame him? Afterall his previous job was driving...

Hearses!

This 55-er is inspired from a joke that I got online. So I can't claim the originality award for this. But I did do the tough task of chopping off the excess words!

Cricket almost killed me...

2010-01-15T21:20:00.000+05:30

It was a sunny day. I was fed up of studying (as usual) and was getting bored. There was nothing to do at home. No people to play pranks on, no kids to harass, no chicks to check out. I felt like a child in a bank.

While I was roaming in the house suddenly my dad noticed that my hair had grown beyond the ‘length of management’. “Go get a haircut. You look like a Goat!” he said. Now I never care to shave or get a haircut until and unless someone reminds me that I’m looking like some Stone Age Man.

So I kicked my bike and went for a haircut. I’m not one of those who’d fancy a long relaxing haircut/shave/massage. Being surrounded by gossipy people and sharp steel instruments does not comfort me much. Much to my dismay I discover that a cricket match is going on. All eyes are glued to the TV (what is the need of a TV in a hair cutting place anyways!) Boy I HATE Cricket so much!

Thus the whole ordeal started. This cuttingwala took me for a dummy used in crash testing it seems. He was revolving my head trying to check whether there was any creaking noise coming from my pivot joint! Finally he started his work with the damn scissors. Cut Cut Cut… Snip Snip Snip. As if he was trying to show off that he was doing a great piece of art. Personally I don’t give a damn coz my preferred ‘cut’ is the Ghajini cut which will keep me away from the hair dressers for at least 2-3 months and it requires the least talent!

Most of the time, his eyes were glued to the TV, which was making me more tensed than the batsman who was just about to score a century. I feared the consequences of the century… What if this cuttingwala jumped? Got excited? Raised his scissors (bat) in the air to salute the spectators? I had begun to sweat now (as if I was the captain of the losing team)

I must say this guy had some talent. He was snipping away bindass all the while looking at the TV (even I can send sms while looking at the professor’s face!). Plus he was giving gr8 gyaan on the players too. Some Fan huh! I was waiting for the whole thing to get over as soon as possible. Suddenly his favorite batsman got out. My heart skipped a beat and his scissors a few inches. I rushed closer to the mirror to check the damage. Thankfully it was negligible. I thanked God that he was not shaving my beard at that time!

But I guess even god was in a wicked mood that day. Soon he finished with my hair and turned towards my beard. The cricket match was getting more and more interesting (Sadly!) I was desperately praying to God to make it rain so that the match gets abandoned. I was ready to sing Malhar or even do a ‘ooga cha cha booga cha cha’ rain dance if need be. My mind drifted off to Facebook and Mafia Wars wherein you “slice” your opponents. Why the hell did I ever come to this place before checking what was on the TV?

He started on my face with the sharp razor. Needless to day I was getting worried if my hair would ever grow again. I was beginning to plot the murders of the people who invented cricket altogether. It was the last over and the match had reached an over excited stage. Even I had reached an over excited stage. What if the blade went directly through my throat? What if it damaged my sensual vocal cords? Oh hell I din want to get sacrificed to the demon called cricket! It was the last few balls. Few runs needed. The hairdressers place had turned into a stadium. But this idiot wouldn’t let go of my neck.

It was the last ball. 4 runs to win. I was feeling weak. Almost passing out! The bowler went for his run up. People were getting so close to the TV, that they could almost enter it. Cuttingwala was going in for the kill…. Err I mean the last swish of the blade.

“STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP" I screamed! "I need a glass of water.” He stared at me like I’d asked for some Rum. Luckily he removed his hand from the radius of my neck. The last bowl was balled, and got hit for a SIX! OMG was I happy that I was safe! Everyone jumped with joy. He came back with a smile and a glass of water. I gulped it down even though I din need it. I guess he watched the last ball from beyond the water filter.

It was my time to leave. I asked him "Kitna?" He was so happy that we won, that he did not take a dime from me. Amazed by his reactions, I got out of the place quickly lest he changes his mind. Boy do I LOVE Cricket!

PS: This post is dedicated to SivArchana of Yemiledu who inspired, coerced, forced, nudged, demanded and ordered me into writing this post. Dunno what's wrong, but I have many topics in mind to write about but when I face the keyboard, I just feel so lazy that I procrastinate it. Lets hope this is a new beginning and I'll continue to irritate you guys with the lovable rubbish that I usually dish out!

55-er Happy New Year! #6

2010-01-09T00:36:00.001+05:30

He thought about her demand.

Was he gonna kick the bottle for her company?

Hell he was. She was everything to him. It was tough, but the right decision. He finally went to pop the question.

She: "I can't take it anymore. We need to break up".

Turning around, He headed to the nearest bar.

The year that was...

2009-12-31T02:13:00.001+05:30

Its past midnight. I sit across my beloved laptop scratching my head thinking of something to write about. Its not that I don't have any topics to write about. But I don't think today is the time for them. Lets say I just have a little more research to do on them. I always wanted to do those no-backspace-used-random-ramblings. So why not try one today?

Today is the last day of the year...

The year 2009...

Broken hearts took long to mend,

Congested networks took ages to send,

Politicians did all but pretend,

But tell me does it matter in the end?

Leaders were known more for their scandals,

Target practice was done with shoes and sandles,

Crores spent on terrorists' safety (!)

Isn't it too getting much to handle?

Sportspeople confessed to cheating,

In turn their cars got the beating,

They once spoke of sporting spirit,

Now their own words they are eating.

Bollywood was a bunch of cold wars,

Film Publicity included love scars,

Millions are being earned by IDIOT stars,

Soon Yash Chopra will be shooting on Mars.

Reality TV was the biggest shame,

Cheapoz wanted a shot at fame,

Doesn't even matter who won the game,

A Year from now, will anyone even remember their name?

Rakhi Saawant was the best of em all!

Your TV set was her marriage hall,

I guess that guy wasn't man enough,

Otherwise the Suhagraat would be shot at some swanky mall.

Pink chaddies were in vogue at the top,

For some people date rape drugs did the job,

Rapes and tapes did all but stop,

These @#$%$#@ should be lynched by the mob.

Ages since School syllabuses have changed,

Most of the teachers are mentally deranged,

Atrocities in Australia will be revenged,

Sadly the CAT was totally drenched.

This year I blogged,

This year I jogged.

Although nothing gr8 happened,

I feel this year rocked.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I DID IT!

I randomly rambled and to add to that I wrote a kickass poem! Well these two thing were the ones which I was planning to try for the whole year, but din dare to! Today being the last day of the year, blogger will start a new year from 2moro, which means this post will slip into the wilderness and wont be noticed much!

I sincerely apologise to the people who had to suffer thru this whole poem coz poems is wat I usually try to avoid (now you know why) Maybe because I have zero (-ve) poetic sense and understanding!

I promise I'm never gonna do this again!

PS: All my Blogsfolk, I am acting very busy these days, with college, class, camps and programs and stuff. So these days I'm using Google Reader to zip thru my regular blogrolled ppl. I'll soon get back to commenting whenever possible.

PPS: This does not mean you have to resort to Google Reader (which btw is quite awesome)
and just go on reading my posts without commenting!

PPPS: It fascinates me how quickly we forget things. During the writing of this post I tried to recollect the year 2009 as a whole but I could remember only the stuff that happened during the last half of the year. I had to resort to Googlegiri for the remainder.

Herez wishing all my fellow bloggers, followers and commentators a very happy, creative and writer-block-free new year ahead.

Real Virtuality?

2009-12-19T16:24:00.000+05:30

Lately I’ve been noticing, therez a lot of blog space being devoted to Facebook, Farmville and Farmville Addiction… I must confess that I never wanted to join Facebook, coz I already had an Orkut account and most of my friends hung out at Orkut usually. Plus who had the time to juggle two social networks? But considering the hoopla that was engulfing the Farmville syndrome, I decided to take a dive into it.

I already had about 20 friend invitations pending when I signed up for Facebook…. It took me about 2 days, 3 cups of late night coffee and hundreds of my precious megabytes allowed by Data One Broadband to finally figure out the wonder that was Facebook…

Turning my attention to the games… I’ve always been an avid gamer (you may have noticed) and I usually don’t get bored even if the game becomes monotonous or even if it has only one level!
Now now… I’m a guy who is not addicted to anything… yes… ANYTHING! No smoking, no drinking, no drugs, NOTHING. So it pretty much pisses me off if someone nudges and tells me that I’m doing too much Time pass on the net (“You’re addicted to the net dude”) or I am always found playing games etc etc… And when I read about this whole Farmville thing, I thought, why not check it out?

So that was done… I started with Farmville, inviting neighbors, planting crops, and harvesting them from time to time… And then it started hitting me hard…. I was getting hooked! But I couldn’t stop. I tried explaining the game to my mom but she started laughing the moment I told her that you grow strawberries in 4 hours. To this day she asks me sarcastically about the strawberry thing. Shez even offerred to sell some of my produce in the local market!

Ok back to the game… I went on farming, harvesting and moving up the Agro-ladder. Then I built some Dairy Farms and Poultry units to keep my precious cows and hens. Secretly I would check the blog posts of fellow farmers in which they shared their addictions and smile to myself involuntarily.

But a week back I had the scare of my life! It happened so, I was supposed to go to Pune to attend a wedding of a friend’s bro. I decided to keep my Rolls Royce at home and travel by the State Transport bus to experience nature first hand… The route was through mountains and typical rural terrain… After catching up on my dear, priceless sleep, I woke up to the countryside… The sun had started to shine as everyday and half sleepy, half awake, I glanced at the view I saw outside. It was a farm. Not just that, it was blooming with ripe grains. A though crossed my mind, “hey! Just like Farmville” *smiles again unknowingly*

But then a strange thing happened, as soon as the bus passed the next farm, this big strange steel sickle appearing in front of me. (The one that the cursor changes into when the crop is ready) It was like asking me to harvest the crop. I could see the number of coins and XP I was gonna gain after harvesting it! I jolted back to my senses. Was I going crazy? Hallucinating? What was happening to me? I mean I won’t deny the fact that previous night I had planted artichokes (harvest in 4 days) considering that I wouldn’t be able to harvest anything when I was in Pune. But is it enough to call me addicted? I looked around to see that the uncle besides me was staring at my face since the time I was smiling to myself (“iska jaroor kuch chakkar hoga”) Rather than addressing his suspicions; I decided to listen to some music and switched on my Music Player. (Thank god I’m not into country music.) Just when I was about to close my eyes, a Hay Bale sped across my window. Instantly an inner voice started shouting “5 XP! 5 XP!”

I was like, “What the hell is happening to me? Am I so much into Farmville that I’m seeing it everywhere?” Is this what people call love?
Thankfully the journey ended soon and I went to the marriage and got back to my normal sane state of mind. But it was one hell of an experience!

PS: While typing this post I have fertilized the crops of about 15 neighbors.

Today...

2009-12-10T23:49:00.000+05:30

Its been 4+ months since I've been in this exhilarating world of blogging and I must say I feel at home already. Frankly speaking I'd never expected that my blog would have so many followers and further still I never dreamed I'd get such cool comments and encouragement from fellow bloggers who have come a long way, their minds ignited, their brains buzzing and finger tapping like crazy (on the keyboard of course)

*Recite in a Hollywood War Movie Inspiration Speech Tone*

So Today

I take this pledge

to visit the blog

of each and every of my follower/commentator

and thank them

for being the sweethearts that they are.

To remind them

that they will be valued forever. ~~And to request them to check out all my further posts~~.

*Trumpets and loud applause*

PS: I quit my job this week and I am happy about it. The reasons being:

1. Due to the "recession" there was no work going on on site due to which the only 'experience' I got was Dirty Politics, Bitching, and playing the blame game (at Olympic level)

2. I got my exams coming close. So gotta study for that.

3. Read Point 1 again

I am happy about it because this is the same company who had kicked me out (and later called me back) due to recession which gave me ample time to compile my blogging ideas. This time I realized what Rihanna meant when she said "Revenge is Sweet"

I hope history repeats itself and, this free time period gives me better ideas to blog about. Cheers to that!

Boomerang

2009-12-09T23:16:00.000+05:30

This is just a conversation I had this morning. Like majority of my conversations, it was done through the gift of SMS.

As usual, me and the Gulab Jamun Gal spend a lot of time talking about our fitness missions (more talking, less doing) and how stunning we gonna look after the whole fitness mission is completed (which maybe eons away).

Gulab Jamun Gal: My uncle's wedding tomorrow. I've applied mehendi. People are getting Super Shocked!
Me: Jyada Sundar and sensual dikhegi to you'll steal the spotlight away from the bride. Lol
GJG: You and I are the best Maals re! Spotlight to mujhpar hona hi hai!
Me: Tu to Yoga Babe hai re. The spotlight wouldn't dare leave you. Chal me going for bath now. Have to shave too. Must look my charming best na!
GJG: Yup dude. You are the showstopper! Go wow the world. *Check myself in the mirror, feeling gooooood*

Me: You are the queen of flattery. *Hoping for another compliment in return*

GJG: Na Na... I am the queen of Sarcasm! *STRIKE OUT*

All in a Day's Work

2009-12-05T11:13:00.001+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 5; the fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Fiction 55

He made up his mind. He was gonna demand a raise. After-all he had worked his ass off these 3 years. Given better output. Plus he was clean. He adjusted his tie and started for the Boss' cabin. He met Boss halfway. "Sorry Rajat, Recession time. We have to let you go."

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

55-er #4

2009-11-28T22:37:00.002+05:30

I pass this house everyday, with a goat roaming in the compound. Shez quite friendly and always eager to play. We have become good friends now. Everyday I pat her head and she nudges me in return, wishing me a good day at work. But today shez nowhere to be found...

Eid Mubarak!

Luck-jury

2009-11-24T22:00:00.000+05:30

Recently I had the opportunity of traveling in a so called “Luxury” bus which was introduced during the Asian games a few years back. Now travelling in a state transport bus is not exactly was you would call “Luxurious” coz the journey is anything but that! But considering the red colored “Normal” buses that usually ply on majority of the routes, this one is definitely better! It has 2 x 2 seats and better cushions. And that’s all what differentiates luxury from normalcy.

I kept thinking about this during the whole journey and I concluded that "Luxury" is a very realtive term. On one hand there is this shabby bus that we call Luxurious and on the other there are people roaming in tailor made Rolls Royce with push-button amenities that would make even private jets blush.

For example a simple TV is a necessity for some people who can't even dream of spending a day without gossipping about Roadies, a comfort for people who barely get time to watch news and a luxury for people who haven't seen electricty light up their house in the past.

Luxury is...

... Getting a place to sit in the damn bus when you've been standing all life trying to feel the presence of your limbs.
... Watching a Cricket match without the ads ruining the replays and first ball of each over.
... Getting a clear reception of all FM Channels when you've become used to the static and you hear it even after turning off the radio!
... Riding down a calm, pothole free road when you've spent all life counting the bones in your body rattling.
... Getting a breath of fresh air when the acidic smoke at signals corrodes your nostrils
... Making a 10 minute call without any disconnections and network errors.
... Getting the second roti served in restaurants before the first one ends.
... Not having to wait in lines for ANYTHING.
... Getting all signals green when you have to reach home early (and otherwise)!
... Getting all work done without having to bribe everyone from the chapraasi to the Saab.
... Waking up on a Sunday morning to Coffee and Sunday Times.
... Breathing freely and not getting crushed while struggling to get Ganesh Darshan at Lalbaug.
... Simply having access to broadband when you've spend half your life hearing the clash/bang/trrrrrring of dial up.
... Actually getting the download speeds that the ISP boasts.
... Knowing that your friends care for you even though you don't have time to stay in touch.
... Realising that the beautiful chick you're talking to is smart too.
... Not having stupid telemarketers call you when you really need to sleep
... Not losing your unsaved work when the computer reboots due to power failure.
... Not being stuck behind a snail-speed bus which feeds you generous amounts of dust on the single lane road to office.
... Just for once having all the staff of SBI smiling at you and seeming obliged to help you.
... Knowing that the water temperature is just right when you enter the swimming pool.

I could go on and on like this... But I'd appreciate your contribution too. So add some points of your own in the comments if you please.

Luxury or not, we all seem to want it desperately... And fast. Like its said (by me) - "You want wants, You need needs"

Plus lets face it. Its human tendency to get the best and not rest till we get the best. No wonder we are never happy and contented.

From Stuff I Learnt Today

Justice Prevails...

2009-11-20T21:21:00.005+05:30

I am damn happy today!

Not the "Sooraj Barjatiya - All's well that ends well" type of happy, but more like the "Devilish - Revenge - Someone got screwed" kinda happy!

It goes like this. I happen to work at this cool tourism development / construction company that is located in a forest area near my place. Now its not very easy to get good people (like Yours Truly) to come from cities and work in jungles. So I have to put up with all kinds of people during my working time.

Out of these people is this dude - Mr. Laidback. Damn just the thought of him gets my fists clentched, digging into my own flesh. Well this guy has got the job as a favor to his dad who happens to work in some Govt. Office (I hate when undeserving people get the cream). But does that mean his father owns the place? HELL NO! He does act like he does.

Firstly this guy has no sense of responsibility. There is no one on site who would think of handing him a job without fearing that he'd mess it up.

Secondly he doesn't take advice from ANYONE. Dunno why he feels that he knows everything (He doesn't) and has the right to take his own decisions.

Thirdly therez no commitment. There hasn't been a single day that he has stayed after work to complete important stuff or things that come up unexpectedly.

All these things make my blood boil underneath with rage. More considering the fact that no one cares that his contribution to the output of the company is a big fat Zero. Just when I was losing faith in the "Do good and good will be done to you" dictum, I heard that the boss summoned him to the office. He was just back from a long ~~vacation~~ leave, which he had left on without even informing the office. And then the fireworks began. There was shouting and screaming and OMG there was swearing too! I had a wicked devilish smile on my lips, my prayers answered! I turned into a Believer instantly.

The Boss was all over him. He told our Hero to submit a report of the work hez done in the last six months (Blank!) and told him rather sternly that its gonna be tougher in the future (The tougher, the better).

To add to it all, the guy requested me to draft a letter to apologize to the boss coz his English is not very good. I obliged with a sympathetic face!

Now I'm back to normal. Neither sad, nor joyous but slightly contented.

From gen

Game for Game?

2009-11-11T23:31:00.001+05:30

Recently I've been getting these "Personality Test" mails. They supposedly have a program that will tell you what you are, what you do, what you want, etc etc on basis of some selected ~~moronic~~ intelligent questions. Now I've been trying this stuff all the time. I don't even remember what the test says after closing the program. Heck I don't even remember what my Horoscope said this morning!

Funny thing is that usually these programs tell so much good stuff about you that its impossible to deny them! Considering all the flash programs I've run, I am Bold, Shy, Introvert, Funny, Invincible, Charming, Cool, Smart, Confident, etc etc...

While thinking about this whole idea, it dawned upon me... "How hard is it to make a ~~stupid bluddy~~ interesting personality test?" All you need is Common Sense! So I went on and made one right away! The first obstacle was the BASIS of the Psycho Analysis... People have so far judged me from the clothes I wear, The pets I keep, The way I sleep, Hech even the nostril I breathe thru! So I needed something silly but common enough to make my analysis!

As I jabbed my fingers repeatedly on the keyboard to prevent my Ford Eclipse from ramming into the curb, the thought struck me..... NEED FOR SPEED! What better way to judge a person than the kind of games he plays. Including all and various genres of Games would be a tough and time taking job for me (Did I mention I was Lazy?) So I'm gonna stick to NEED FOR SPEED Underground (AT least now)

Now Now... What kind of person are you? What should you be? and More importantly, What should you not be? Herez a list!

Based on the type of Race you Play:

Circuit Racing: Its racing in a closed circuit for a fixed number of laps.

You Are : Always trying to do things better. You don't mind repeating things if they are gonna turn out better. You don't get tired of the monotonous routine. In Fact you try to constantly reinvent yourself.

You Should Be : A Newspaper editor, Magazine Editor

You Shouldn't Be : A Barber (Coz the whole town will look the same)

Sprint Racing : Its racing from Point A to Point B. No repeating.

You are : Bindass and Happy Go Lucky. You live life as it comes and don't care much about the future. You love to work out your way rather than trade on experience.

You Should Be : Fighter Pilot, Teacher

You Shouldn't Be : A Speech Writer for some old Politician

Drag Racing : Its racing in a straight line where more emphasis is placed on shifting gears rather than on changing directions.

You are : Frank, Straightforward, Intense, Focused. You can see the goal that you have aimed for and you will do anything to achieve. You maybe cunning and block others ~~lane~~ path

You Should Be : Derby Jockey, Sprint Racer, Athlete.

You Shouldn't be : Politician (You gotta keep an eye on everyone), Goalkeeper, Strategist

Drift Racing : This is nothing but showing off your skills by drifting the car on a closed circuit track. The sharper you drift, the more points you get.

You are : Attention Grabber. You like to be the center of attraction. You like to hog the limelight constantly. You usually undergo Tummy Tucks, nose jobs, face lifts etc to keep up your face value. You are too conscious

You Should Be : Film Star, TV Star

You Shouldn't Be : Anybody's Assistant (In case you steal the attention), Accountant (Coz in Accounts they look for a different figure)

Lap Knockout : This is same like Circuit Race, But at the end of each lap, the last car is eliminated. Race continues till only one driver remains.

You are : Gruesome, Ruthless, Cunning. You only have victory in your sight and you'll do anything to get it. You don't care about eliminating others from the rat race. You use and throw.

You Should be : A Politician, Assassin, Secret Agent

You Shouldn't be : A Public Servant, Doctor

Free Run : This is basically a cruise around the town. There are no objectives, no targets, no timers. You just have to go around the place and roam around

You are : 1. A Loser. You don't like challenges. You fear to face life and its difficulties. You would rather live in the cheat coded world. 2. Or maybe you have too much money that you can't finish spending alone.

You should be : Dead in the first case or my best friend in the second case.

You Shouldn't be : Who Cares! Come on..... Lets find a way to spend that Cash!

Fiction 55 (3)

2009-11-08T23:43:00.003+05:30

He felt defeated. He knew he had to save the day After all the efforts he had put in, all the pain he had suffered, these people didn’t give a damn. All his efforts wasted. He was fully exhausted. But He has to go on and do his duty. After all he is Sachin Tendulkar!

This struck me when India lost the match inspite Sachin scoring 175 runs. This shows that the team expects him to stick it out till the end if he wants to take credit for Man of the Match. Also I wont miss the chance of smirking at the 80000 FANS who bought Tickets for the game at to be held at Vashi considering the fact that Australia KO'd us and clinched the series.
Reminds me of a conversation...

Mr. Confident : Dude you want tickets for the game at vashi? I got kool passes from my company.
Me : Lets see if India stays in the series. I'l decide after that.
Mr. C : C'mon man... We gonna win. And the Vashi one too! (So much for Optimism)
Me : Dude I'l tell you later. I'll have to arrange the cash too... For the tickets.
Mr. C : You better do it fast. The tickets have been sold out on the first day itself! (Achievement?)
Me : I'll let you know as soon as possible.
*CLICK*

After the Ill Fated Match
Mr. C : Dude Wats up?
Me : Roflol
Mr. C : Very Funny
Me : lol lol lol lol
Mr. C : The bright side is that you need not arrange the cash. Coz we're getting them free!
Me : loling so much that *CLICK*

Mission impausable

2009-11-07T21:29:00.001+05:30

I guess I'm on a Blogging Spree!!! All that stuff I had planned to write while my Broadband was down is oozing out of by brain!

Me and a friend have started a fitness mission from ~~next week~~ today. Shez into Yoga, I'm into... ummm..... errrrr....... jogging I guess. I dunno, mainly I'm into Sleep!

Now we have agreed to keep a watch on each otherz routines so that neither will go astray and/or neither will blame the other if we end up losing our minds rather than weight!

This Morning:

Gulab Jamun Gal : Hie Good Morn. Finally aaj se yoga shuru hua mera... Hoping for more improvements in myself... (like telling the truth for a change) Gd Day!

Me : Me too woke up early today! (No sign of any workout) Today we begin our tryst with a fitter destiny! And months later we'll emerge slimmer, fitter, better creatures!Cheers to That!

GJ: Hehehe... Yup. We will emerge Stronger, sexier & saucier & hope to see a better you and me... in clothes of smaller sizes... Atleast the mirror wont shy from fitting us into him lolz

Me: We could get a larger mirror! But I'm fighting till the end! And later celebrate our success with some sugar free gulab jamuns!

GJ: Yup Our fight is with the mirror. we wont give up. The sugar free Gulab Jamuns & Choc Cake is our final destination. We will reach there soon. Few months to go :-)

Now that the Oath has been taken, I just hope these months don't turn into years like most of our Govt. Projects!

Untitled

2009-11-07T20:24:00.003+05:30

Finally my Broadband is alive again! Well I use Dataone Broadband. So I have to depend on the phone lines and Dear God for a good connectivity. Dunno what went wrong with both last week. Some idiot contractor (I heard) was trying to repair the road. Till date I’ve never heard the words “road” and “repair” in the same sentence in our village before. Now I know why!

So this guy come with a huge JCB and starts to dig the road and ends up snapping most of the telephone lines in half! Well done I say, now I don’t have to worry bout my colleagues calling and irritating me with idiotic computer related questions. (“This PC is not starting, this page is not printing only re, The PC says I’m a Moron! What should I do?”)

But then it dawned upon me suddenly… No Phone = No Internet! OMG I was in a fix, din know what to do, how to survive! But I guess I scraped through it alright. Well now its back on and the officer from BSNL personally called me up to tell me the good news! Now I have lotsa mail to check, lotsa blogs to read, lotsa stuff to comment upon.

Herez a mail that I got from a friend

A black man talks to a white man:

When I was born I was black,
When I grew up I was black,
When I'm sick I'm black,
When I go in the sun I'm black,
When I'm cold I'm black,
When I die I'll be black.

But you:
When you're born you're pink,
When you grow up you're white,
When you're sick, you're green,
When you go in the sun you turn red,
When you're cold you turn blue,
and when you die you turn purple.

And you have the nerve to call me colored!!!

Quite something to ponder over ainit?

Well herez something else I found out. I hate it when people send stupid stuff and then they have the stupid guts to ask me forward it to my stupid friends! What Stupidity! Well forward this you psychos or face my wrath!

Check the Link below

forward this

Fiction 55 (2)

2009-10-23T23:53:00.002+05:30

She was scared, almost terrified. But she needed to do it. She wanted to. He reassured that he would be very gentle on her. This was her first time. This could ruin her life. She was too drunk to object. He waited. She finally said "let's do it". And on buzzed the Tattoo Gun.

Fiction 55 #1

2009-10-22T01:23:00.003+05:30

She had her seductive gaze on me. She always got what she wanted. She walked to me in her sensuous swagger, licking her lips and purred her demand into my ear. Who was I to object? I was too eager to oblige rather than face her wrath. I immediately put forward her bowl of Cat Food.

The Great Indian Tamaasha!

2009-10-09T23:14:00.002+05:30

Ahh... Its election time again, the time when everything changes drastically. The winds blow in the random motion. The Sun revolves around the earth. The rulers become rulees! Rivers change courses and flow into different oceans. Suddenly the Common Man becomes an all important entity that has to be pleased with offerings of visits, speeches, promises, bribes and some ego polishing.

I wish all politicians were bloggers. The kind of imagination they possess is unfathomable. It would be fascinating to read what plans they have for the future (plans = only plans and are not related in any way to the concept of completing them)

Back to the Topic. The election is a great Tamasha of extra-ordinary proportions, greater than any Indo-Pak cricket match, Yash Raj movie, KBC episode or any grand marriage ever.
Maybe because it involves everyone from a farmer to an industrialist who are a part of this DEMOCRACY of ours.
A nice thing about democracy is that the value of a vote of a multi-billionaire is equal to the value of a vote of a bankrupt suicidal farmer. Its one of those things that bridge the massive economic divide of our vast country.

It is time for Prachaar Sabhas and huge shows of power. I notice never-seen-before people in tide-ki-safedi clothes (trying to hide their dark intentions) walking all across my town and meeting random people. Suddenly everyone is familiar to them and there are lots and lots of namastes and handshakes (enough for a Guinness Records).

Watching this brings a smile on my lips - a pitiful smile. I smile at our own stupidity. How easily we get swept by the people in power. How quickly we idolize them by sidetracking our own principles. Some people can recollect the same scenario 5 years back when they were given superstar status and then later were ignored for 5 long years. I guess the common man is optimistic. He would rather prefer the 5 minutes of affection than nothing at all.

Then comes the times of the mass meetings. Each fellow talks about the stuff the ruling fellow couldn't do. Maybe it is the Ekta Kapoor effect. She makes you feel better by showcasing other people's lives as more miserable than yours. The way these people talk, I can't see any spark in them for development. They are excellent critics, but sadly they are nothing else. I personally feel if you are a good critic, you should always stay as the opposition. Coz that is what they do for a living!

The ruling party makes promises to promise what other parties haven't promised. I wonder whether the word promise has anything to do with the word comPROMISE.
Newspapers analyze anything and everything possible. There is so much information to digest, that the voter fears indigestion and prefers to go on a vacation on Election Day! Ignorance is bliss truly!

Some educated, responsible voters do try to come forward and put up their demands (maybe it is a gimmick to try to be seen on TV or newspaper). It is a difficult guess whether these demands will be even remembered after the elections, let alone met! But people are nonetheless very enthu coz this is the only time when they get to be heard! Why not make the most of it?

All in all, the elections are the Great Indian Tamasha that has every Indian playing a part and which entertains the world. All Hail - The lords of Democracy!

I've just turned 21 and this time I'll be having the honor of voting in the elections. So I've prepared a list of demands (not a publicity gimmick) which are a bit different from the basic roti kapda makaan stuff that is available in wholesale these days. Here goes :

1. I want to wake up to clear sunshine everyday. No clouds in the morning. I dunno how you're gonna do it, but do it.

2. I don't mind some loadshedding provided I have battery backup to all my gadgets round the clock.

3. No rains when I'm out please. Otherwise invent rainwear that will actually keep me totally dry in the torrential Konkan rains.

4. All students should be allowed to call for an off lecture every week decided by show of hand. (Democracy)

5. A pothole free road should be created for emergency travel. The potholed one should be kept too... It is like adventure sports!

6. All govt. offices must be customer friendly. The average amount of bribe taken by an officer must be displayed alongside his nameplate so that helpless customers need not be confused about paying more or less than what he deserves.

7. The percentage of reservations for all castes regarding jobs, education etc should be determined by a lucky draw every year so that people belonging to open category like me can blame my "good marks but jobless status" on luck.

8. The internet should be made free to all. I am ready to pay whatever BSNL asks for a good, secure, fast connection but I must be given the liberty to deduct Rs. 10 every time it disconnects and I lose my work/downloads/concentration/sanity.

9. Mobile Phone plans should be made easy to understand and should come with warnings like “you’re being robbed”, “you should change your provider”, “you deserve a landline” etc.

10. There should be a liberal import policy regarding games, consoles, computer stuff etc.

11. People who choose to stay in their native places and not migrate to cities (like me) should be given loyalty bonus.

12. Lastly, everyone must be allowed to outsource his/her job responsibilities to others!

While reading all the above points, I realized that the above stuff is only possible…

If I BECOME A FRIGGIN POLITICIAN!

See you at the Polling Booth!

TAGGED OMG!

2009-10-06T00:40:00.001+05:30

Fine day today! Lets just start… I am a n00b to the blogging world. A huge portion of it is still unexplored and I am trying to cover as much as I can in the little time that I have. I was introduced to blogging by the Blogger community on orkut (too lazy to insert the link). When I started surfing various blogs, I noticed many of them had a common post named “TAGGED” It was like passing on a blog slambook to fellow bloggers so they can fill it up and post it in their own blogs and pass it on (TAG) further.

Frankly speaking I was fascinated by the whole ordeal and thought of it as peeves of popular bloggers. But secretly I used to yearn for the day I would be tagged. I knew it was not easy to interest interesting people to take interest in my blog just to get myself tagged! But I chose to wait… And today the day has come when two out of my millions of follower have tagged me (maybe because they ran out of people to tag or maybe they’ve tagged everyone possible already)
But it gives me great pleasure to declare that I have been TAGGED! (Smiles, waits for flashbulbs and applause)

RULE 1 - You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2 - You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3 - Copy and paste this into your notes, delete mine and type in your answers and tag your friends to answer this.

As I descend from a Yorokuraba Tribe, RULE 2 doesn’t apply to me!
So here goes…

Asked someone to marry you. Innocent
I seriously doubt that galz would take me seriously if I asked them about marriage…

Ever kissed someone of the same sex. Innocent
Yucks who invented this wicked questionnaire?

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent
I live in a village. No bar. If bar then no Table. If table then no me. If me then no dance.

Ever told a lie? Guilty
Countless times to keep the world goin…

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Innocent

Kissed a picture? Guilty
Gosh!

Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty
High on Bhang on Holi Day

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty/Guilty
Zzzzz……

Held a snake? Guilty

Been suspended from school? Innocent
I manifested some “sincere boy” qualities

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Innocent

Been fired from a job? Guilty
Blame the recession! But now they’ve called me back! (Re-recession)

Done something you regret? Guilty
I regret staying up to write this. Gonna sleep in college 2moro!

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty
Water usually

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent
Village in Maharashtra… No Snowflakes

Kissed in the rain? Innocent
Village… No one to kiss.

Sat on a roof top? Guilty
More “stuck” than “sat”

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Guilty
You shouldn’t try to kiss a hungry dog whoz just been given food in order to impress your frnz

Sang in the shower? Guilty
Sang/Bellowed/Screamed/Whistled/Hummed/Rapped 2!

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty
I am a swimming coach. It happens regularly

Shaved your head? Innocent

Had a boxing membership? Innocent
Village again… No Boxing

Made a girlfriend cry? Innocent
No Woman, No Cry

Been in a band? Innocent
Village! Band? As in Music Band?

Shot a gun? Guilty
I shot a gun with another gun coz it was trying to kill a helpless knife.

Donated Blood? Not Guilty but Proud
I do good things for a change too

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent

Eaten cheesecake? Innocent
Ahem! Village… Cheese? Cake?

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Innocent

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent
Pierced my ear though

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Never Ever!

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Guilty

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Innocent

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent
I wanna know whoz interested in knowing this…

Joined a pageant? Innocent
Lol Village….. Pageant! or Peasant?

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty
I hope she totally meant it.

Had communication with your ex? Innocent
No X, Y or Z

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent
I don’t drink

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Innocent
I said I don’t drink

Now that I’m done with the grilling, I am supposed to TAG other people. I would have, but both my fellas Sorcerer and Yemiledu have already been tagged and I can’t dare tag them again and end up losing two of my valuable followers! Lolz
So case dismissed, dissolved and resolved. Anyone who wants to know where a TAG chain ends, this is it!

Ad-Mad World

2009-10-01T01:00:00.007+05:30

Its midnight and I'm wide awake... Unlike the dreaded writers block, right now I can think of lots and lots of stuff to post about. But lets just stick to the most explicit one...

Like most literate ppl, I love reading the newspaper for hours at end. I am one of those who becomes a little uneasy if the news is not on my breakfast table during tea. I simply love to while away my morning reading all and any kind of news (especially if my mom asks me to help with the chores, I develop an increased interest in the world) ;-)

Now I am totally aware that the Mumbai Mirror or the DNA does not run on the measly Rs. 2.50 that I pay everyday to suck up all that is goin around in the world. Heck I think it doesn't even cover the transport cost. So I guess the main source of income for these dailies is Advertisments. Plus they have to pay for the defamation suits that are filed for any wrong information printed by mistake. (Thank God Rakhi Sawant does not have that much legal sense!)

Every day I greedily grab the paper and instead of finding Bold, Large Font Headlines there is an stupid advertisment of some stupid insurance company making my future prosperous or a stupid construction company showing a tower which hasn't even been built (and when built, I wont even dream of buying it) staring back at me. OMG it enrages me so much! But what can I do? I can't tear it up... What is the problem with these people? I mean HEADLINES are supposed to be HEADLINES! You can't insult them by allotting them Page 2!!!!!! Do I buy the newspaper to see a frigging ad on the first page? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

The same thing for the last page. I go through the whole thing discussing some of the items with whoever is besides me (including the dogs who don't care less) skipping the classified section (with the weird friendship clubs "models, air hostesses, housewives" as I don need them right now (the classifieds! lol), enjoying the cartoons and stuff, and thinking the newspaper is comin to an end. I flip to the last page and AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH another ad! They just wasted two important pages of my life!

I will never forgive them. Today I urge all cool people reading this post to not buy any goods or services from the people who put their ads on the first page! This ought to teach them a lesson!

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There was once a time when we would locate an ad in context of the news item it was placed besides. These days its vice verse. (Dude did you check the news between the Samsung and the Electrolux ads? Therez gonna be a blackout due to high consumption by appliances!) Ironic!

On Dassera day I literally had to search news item from between the ads. For a moment I thought the MIRROR and VIJAY Sales was owned by the same person. They had a half page ad on almost every page! I wonder why they call it NEWSpaper! It should be ADSpaper!

Hussssssshhhhhhhh! I feel better now. Blogging is an cool way to vent your anger. Ans so is gaming!

Here is another game that I was playing and its damn interesting (not for the Physics Challenged)

Warp-Shot

Do try it out.

Till Death Do Us Part

2009-09-14T19:21:00.007+05:30

Its drizzling again. I am sitting in my room thinking of something to do. I stare out of my window at the dull sky which clearly expresses its mood. The wind is cool and sometimes brings a refreshing spray into the room. Its almost evening but the sun is on a sick leave making the atmosphere feverish.

I look out of my window. There she is. Sitting in her balcony. All by herself. Thinking about him. Thinking about all the time she spent with him. Wondering what she is doing here, alone, without him alongside her as he had always been. Her eyes are fixed at the stream of water flowing on the road, suggesting she is deep in thought. She hadn't planned for this. She'd never imagined it to end like this.

I call her AJI (marathi for nani). Its a month since AJOBA (grandfather/nana) passed away. They have been our neighbors for as long as I know. They were the kind of couple which made you think of the phrase "Made for Each Other". There was no AJI without AJOBA and vice versa.

They'd had a normal arranged marriage. He had been a civil servant and she a housewife and they had lived a pretty normal life. But the love they had for each other was visible from each and every thing they did. Mind you it wasn't like the fake care that couples show in front of others. We were amazed at how compatible they were.

They would share the chores of the house as no one else lived with them. Their daughters visited often tho. The only event of us meeting, was when my mother would ask me to give them something she had cooked for them.

Summing it up, they lived in a world of their own. Fulfilled and contended, enjoying the process of growing old together.

One day it changed. The culprit was cancer. AJOBA got his test results and the doc told him it was some abdominal cancer. All the ppl in the neighborhood were in shock. It was a very sad thing to happen. Especially to AJOBA.

But he was least bothered about it. He continued living his life as he had lived before. The only difference was that now a lot more ppl came to visit. Showly his health started failing. His body was wasting. We could only watch helplessly. My mom would cook for him twice a week. He enjoyed having something different to taste everyday.

One evening he passed away in his sleep. No one slept that night. Everyone kept staring at AJI, thinking about her, thinking about what must be going in her mind. She was too old to take decisions now.

Her daughters asked her to stay with them, but she refused. She too wants to fade away in the same house in which AJOBA did.

There are times when we talk about them. AJI has Asthama. AJOBA would take care of her when she struggled to breath during the monsoons. He would even do the washing, cleaning and cooking. She is hard of hearing but she would understand every word AJOBA blurted. I wonder what will happen next.

I find myself staring at the stream on the road just like her. We are thinking about the same thing. Only difference is that she had a lot more memories. They are the only things she lives by.

I pray to God... May they unite in heaven again. Maybe he will clean, wash, cook for her as before. Then maybe the angels will say, "They are 'Made for Each Other!'"

Identity Crisis?

2009-09-03T16:50:00.009+05:30

I was just checking my orkut account today when i got a friend request from a guy (or maybe a gal) whose name was "living life to the fullest"

I racked my brains to recollect a certain guy or gal who introduced himself to me as "hey man. I am Living life to the fullest. Pleased to meet you"

Thats when i realised that the social networking bug is sucking the brains of ppl dry.

Whenever you update your profile, there is a First Name Field and a Last Name Field. Ppl are supposed to write Their Own First Name and Last Name in the respective places.

But i just don get it... Why the need to express yourself so explicitly when hardly a few ppl care?

And if there is an urgent need, ORKUT has a Status Field right below the name. You can change it countless times to tell whether you are eating, sleeping, or just changing yo status msg to get some rare attention!

Today a distant friend calls me and while chatting he says hez added me as a friend on orkut. I said that I din get it and then he says that hez the guyz whoz living life to the fullest!

I brainwashed him left and right, asking him whether he writes the same name on his resume or his bank cheques. But i don think he really got what i said, coz now his orkut name is "Brainwashed, But Still Living Life to the Fullest" lol

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One more thing that bothers me is the use of absurd symbols to make up alphabets in names (i admit I have tried it too)

I was once $@UR@B# but i got over it. Can you imagine the time ppl waste in writing names in such complex manner?

And they never consider the fact that others may think of searching them by typing their Normal Names!!!

Here are few more ppl who i have to figure out!

"***$ID***" """BRING IT ON"""

† †®[]}{ă/\/† † † † Ðşøüžā † †

$@/\/KET comin bak

and on and on the list goes...

Bored of Boredom!

2009-08-18T21:44:00.008+05:30

I’ve been racking my brains all week to find something to write about. The feeling that I own a blog itself is too cool to express! Just going thru blogs of random ppl made me realize that I’m not very good at this! Thought about many topics like the SRK Airport thing, Swine Flu, College Teachers Strike etc etc… But I din feel like doing any of the usual stuff.

I am just bored of everything that is goin around me. Same old ppl, same old stories, same old TV, same old movies and nothing new. I have to do something new. So I tried searching for some new stuff on the net (haven’t been much successful yet)!

But I found this real cool game on Armour Games which is definitely worth a play! Check it out

Only One Level

It is different from all the other games we play online. Usually while playing a game we aim to advance to the next level, preferably in less time, with more health, weapons etc. But this game has only one tiny weenie level! That’s all! And you have to attempt it in all ways possible! I enjoyed playing the game a lot. It got me rid of my “Boredom” and also gave me a new perspective to look at situations from all angles. (Sounds like I’m advertising it) ;-)

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Recently read a piece about Light Graffiti (do try it) somewhere, but then I realized that I neither own a digicam OR any colored light sources. :-( Its kinda cool and fun stuff to do when you’re stuck in a dark room with a torch and digicam! The next thing I’m buying is a digicam (and a torch). Planning to put my ART on my blog too (considering that it turns out good) Lets hope for the best… Cheers!

The Start!!!

2009-08-11T21:15:00.003+05:30

Hello People

I'm just doin this coz i have too much free time on my hands these days.

There have been lots of incidences through which I've learnt something good/bad/funny etc etc... Hence I've named the blog "Stuff I Learnt Today". There are many thoughts which strike me during the course of life. So I thought why not share my stupidity with others!!! So here Goes...

Things I Learnt Today...

1. It is damn tough to think something cool while actually writing a blog. Tougher when you imagine what ppl are gonna say after reading each and every word of it :-(